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Old 12-09-2008, 09:26 PM
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Eating Tips for the Holiday season...

Eating Tips for the Holiday Season

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.


7. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?


8. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.


9. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:28 PM
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hehe, very helpful! I will using some of these tips!
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:33 PM
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Haha, I love them all!
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:39 PM
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:50 PM
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:53 PM
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:57 PM
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That is, by far, the best motto to live by that I've ever heard
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Old 12-09-2008, 09:58 PM
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Got to love the holidays! I am currently doing all of that except #6.
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Old 12-09-2008, 10:43 PM
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Old 12-09-2008, 11:18 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvapup View Post
Eating Tips for the Holiday Season

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!


3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free.


6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.


7. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?


8. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.


9. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.


Remember this motto to live by:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
Thanks i will follow some of your tips.HA! HA!
:head spin
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Old 12-09-2008, 11:20 PM
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After what I just saw posted by Averysmom, I think I lost my holiday appetite...
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Old 12-10-2008, 12:00 AM
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You come up with this?

Pretty funny.
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Old 12-10-2008, 12:20 AM
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I don't get number one. Is it because carrots are healthy? lol.

Otherwise, everything else is pretty funny!
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Old 12-10-2008, 07:55 AM
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The missed Tip #10

#10. Engage in bulimia after completing first 9 steps
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Old 12-10-2008, 08:01 AM
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these are fantastic tips! I can't wait to make my mashed potato volcano explode with gravy
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Old 12-10-2008, 10:18 AM
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words to live by...

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Old 12-10-2008, 10:40 AM
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Hmm... apparently every day is a holiday for me
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Old 12-10-2008, 10:47 AM
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Funny Joan!


Quote:
Originally Posted by brody View Post
Hmm... apparently every day is a holiday for me



As for me, as a child/young adult I used to dread the Holidays just because of the food. I cannot stand turkey, mashed potatos, gravy, stuffing, or pie. I survived on rolls. Now that I am an adult I just make whatever the eff I want to make. Who says Taco's can't be a Christmas food?
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Old 12-10-2008, 10:56 AM
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You take that back about mashed potatoes and pie
I agree on the food though. You can serve Mac 'n Cheese and still be festive.
MMM... tacos.
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Old 12-10-2008, 10:57 AM
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No. They are icky.
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Old 12-10-2008, 11:07 AM
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Hahaha cute!
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Old 12-10-2008, 11:10 AM
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I adhere to these rules year-round

except for #2. I think eggnog is gross
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Old 12-10-2008, 07:45 PM
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I am printing these out and taking them to my hubbys familys house as my excuses list
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Old 12-10-2008, 08:02 PM
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I love making mashed potato volcanoes!
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Old 12-10-2008, 08:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luvapup View Post
Eating Tips for the Holiday Season

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

oh i love this one the most
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