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Old 11-28-2008, 12:53 PM
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Best/Funniest quotes you've heard people say...

I was thinking that I have funny friends. Here are some quotes that made me chuckle.

"...that stupid chic has denim burn on her brainstem."

from the other thread:
"She's bringing AIDS all over your floor" (about my filthy roomate who doesn't clean or take off her shoes off when entering the house)

my little cousin when she was 5 y/o:
"Ummmm....Teena, you're not supposed to drink and drive" (as I was drinking a Dr. Pepper while driving my truck).

my favorite attending doctor:
"...but enough about me...let's talk about what you all think...about Me!"

And, last...my own idiotic comment:
"Why do they call the second hand on watches a second hand when it's actually the third hand?" I didn't get it until my friends were laughing and I didn't understand why. Sadly, I was not drunk...just never thought about it.
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Old 11-28-2008, 02:42 PM
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while wearing TR jeans, a friend of mine asked, "Are those from the Gap?"

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Old 11-28-2008, 02:44 PM
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at work (resturant is situated on a lakeshore, but is totally enclosed except for the patio and that is raised a good 20 feet from the water level).

Customer to me: "Lady, is the ocean gonna come in and get us? Cause I can't swim!"
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Old 11-28-2008, 05:08 PM
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Getting ready to eat fried chicken....

My husband: "do you want white or dark meat?"

Me: "White"

He hands me a breast.

Me: "No, I wanted a leg"

Him: "I thought you wanted white meat."

Me: "I do! I always eat a drumstick."

Him: "ooooooookay!"

LOL, I never thought about it long enough to realize drumsticks were dark meat!
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Old 11-28-2008, 06:27 PM
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My mom, "What's 1/3 cup plus 1/3 cup?"
And last night, she was looking at Black Friday ads(my stepdad has decided he wants a camera like I have, even though I'll have to teach them how to use it ), "What's a DSLR?"..."Mom, that's the camera"
I love her to death, but she's a *bit* ditsy LOL
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Old 11-28-2008, 06:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snowhite View Post
And, last...my own idiotic comment:
"Why do they call the second hand on watches a second hand when it's actually the third hand?" I didn't get it until my friends were laughing and I didn't understand why. Sadly, I was not drunk...just never thought about it.
I don't get it....
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Old 11-28-2008, 07:43 PM
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my favorite..

I hope all the bad things in the world happen to you and only you and no one else but you!!

dave chappelle
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Old 11-28-2008, 08:12 PM
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I was eating lunch on Wednesday with some friends. One of my friends (she's Asian), when asked why she's done already, said, "I didn't have any more rice so I'm done." I found it hilarious...probably because I can relate, lol.
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Old 11-28-2008, 08:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by barkley View Post
LOL, I never thought about it long enough to realize drumsticks were dark meat!
I didn't know this either. I am a vegetarian though, so I don't know much about meat in general.
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Old 11-28-2008, 08:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cherbd16 View Post
I don't get it....
Because it's a "second" hand...as in it counts seconds in a minute. I always thought they were talking about the number of "hands" that rotate around the watch (i.e. the hour and minute ticker...) In this case, the "seconds" ticker would have been the 3rd hand.

Clear as mud?
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Old 11-28-2008, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snowhite View Post
And, last...my own idiotic comment:
"Why do they call the second hand on watches a second hand when it's actually the third hand?" I didn't get it until my friends were laughing and I didn't understand why. Sadly, I was not drunk...just never thought about it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cherbd16 View Post
I don't get it....
The "second hand" counts the seconds (and is therefore called the "second hand:; she was thinking it was the second hand as in first, second, and third hands on the face of the watch.



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Old 11-28-2008, 09:52 PM
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"Are you facejacking my touch hole?"
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:36 AM
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You're so cute SnowWhite, I actually had to ask hubs about your "second hand" quote

who8mahrice, is that really true? Do people not eat the rest of the meal once their rice is gone? I am doing things totally backward here if that's true I eat the rice first

The funny quote i can think of.

My older brother got a job as a waiter a while back and he was very nervous. So on the first night he said 2 things I will never forget.

#1 table
"Hi My name is Zach, I'll be your waiter tonight"
Group of people "Hi Zach!"
My brother, astonished says "How did you know my name?"

#2 table
Group says "We are vegitarians. What do you recommend for us?"
Brother says "The chicken dish is really good"
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:42 AM
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one co-worker to another: 'go take a group shot of yourself and make sure you stand in the middle'.
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Old 11-29-2008, 12:53 AM
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"excuse me.. would you like to correct that for me because I just don't give a fuck"
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Old 11-29-2008, 02:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alexandra1999 View Post
who8mahrice, is that really true? Do people not eat the rest of the meal once their rice is gone? I am doing things totally backward here if that's true I eat the rice first
Haha, I don't know about it being a general case, but for me, at least, the meal just isn't complete without rice. And I think you're doing it right eating the rice first...you just don't seem to have enough rice to last! :-p
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Old 11-29-2008, 07:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by snowhite View Post
Because it's a "second" hand...as in it counts seconds in a minute. I always thought they were talking about the number of "hands" that rotate around the watch (i.e. the hour and minute ticker...) In this case, the "seconds" ticker would have been the 3rd hand.

Clear as mud?
oh, well don't feel so stupid then..... It seems there's a few of us
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Old 11-29-2008, 11:19 AM
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there's a whole facebook group dedicated to this called overheard at the University of Texas. here are some funny ones:

Bum on the drag: "Hey ladies, can you spare some change for marijuana?"

drag rat 1: can you spare your number?
drag rat 2: oh my god you are so beautiful, i would get a job for you!

Campus Watch describing someone peeing
"The officer soon discovered a small stream cascading down the stairs as the subject was expunging the contents of his bladder."

snippet of an overheard conversation between two guys on the drag:
"...basically I just don't like it when a girl knows more than me."

Girl 1: The albino squirrel won't let me pet him.
Girl 2: Doesn't he have rubies?
Girl 1: Rubies?
Girl 3: I think she meant rabies.
Girl 2: OH YEAH! but aren't they both red?

Guy in gregory: " Are you sure you can trust this guy?"
Girl: " If you can't trust a crack dealer, who can you trust?"
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Old 11-29-2008, 06:07 PM
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Liquor (lick her)......I don't even know her!!

Friend was trying to indicate under what terms she would date interracially and said "He would have to be light, bright and damn near white"

She also likes to say that she liked something "better than Peter loved Jesus"
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Old 11-29-2008, 07:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by michelle View Post
Liquor (lick her)......I don't even know her!!
I am well known for saying that one ALL the time. It randomly comes out of my mouth a few times a day... more if I'm drinking, except it's "Liquor... Liquor? I don't even Like her." I spent like 20 mins trying and explain it to the cab driver this summer in Egypt, if they're not English It's very hard to explain the joke.
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