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Old 10-25-2010, 12:36 PM
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How to punish your child?

Okay. My son is 4 and lately whenever I ask him to do something like sit down in his chair for dinner he constantly gets up and runs around. Last night after he got up from his chair for the third time, I told him we weren't going to do crafting like we had planned because he wasn't listening. I told him that I shouldn't have to ask him more than twice to stay in his chair. I am wondering if I should approach issues like these by taking something away or should I just put him in time out?

I know he is only 4 but he's got to start listening because it is driving me With so many parents on here I'm sure someone has a sure fire method to get him to behave.
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Old 10-25-2010, 03:03 PM
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My DD is 6 but I have been using "restriction" and "consequences" for 2 yrs now. Depending on the situation of course... We take something *prized* (fave doll, special privilege, special toy, t.v. time, etc.) away for at least a day and explain that if she can behave for _________ (time frame) then she can have it back at ___________. I also explain that if she doesn't behave then the restriction time goes longer. This has really worked for us. To be honest, time outs have never really worked effectively for us.

I do give warnings first, as in... "if I have to talk to you again about ______ behavior then _______ goes into restriction. And then I make sure to follow through

If she's being disruptive at the meal table then I give her a warning about her behavior and tell her if she doesn't sit down and eat, then she can be excused from the table and there will be no eating/snacking after. This has worked well for us too.

I will say this... when taking something away, in my experience, it has to be something that they REALLY care about getting taken away. If they are indifferent to it, they don't really care about changing their behaviors to get it back...

Good Luck!! We had to try (what seemed like a ton) of different disciplines to see what worked!
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Old 10-25-2010, 11:09 PM
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Time outs don't do anything for my son either. I think the restrictions and consequences is a good idea, which is basically what I have been trying to do. We don't watch a lot of TV and he doesn't have any prized object so I'm going to have to find something to restrict Perhaps playtime together or Angry Birds on my Iphone.

I'm going to try the "excusing from the table" followed by no snacks or eating. The asking him 4-5 times to sit down is driving me crazy and using the restriction here just doesn't seem to work. I just hate when i'm putting him to bed and he's like "Mommy I'm hungry". Granted it's his own fault for not sitting at the table and eating
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Old 10-25-2010, 11:16 PM
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Well, in my case crafting would be my punishment lol. Just kidding.

I've never made my kids go to bed hungry but the only thing I found that worked for my kids was just sitting at the table. Doing nothing. For about a half hour sometimes. It drove them all crazy & they hated just sitting there.

Worked like a charm. My son is 12 now & going through his annoying phase. Everything is a joke & bugging people is his specialty. I hope that ends soon.
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Old 10-25-2010, 11:32 PM
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I'm totally in the same boat right now with both boys. My 5yo starts things, and has an attitude (he's had an attitude since his bro was a baby), and it rubs off on his bro, who is already going through his 2 year old fits and attitudes. Nothing seems to work, I keep trying new methods and combinations.

Hopefully this passes soon!
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Old 10-25-2010, 11:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onelove View Post
Well, in my case crafting would be my punishment lol. Just kidding.

I've never made my kids go to bed hungry but the only thing I found that worked for my kids was just sitting at the table. Doing nothing. For about a half hour sometimes. It drove them all crazy & they hated just sitting there.

Worked like a charm. My son is 12 now & going through his annoying phase. Everything is a joke & bugging people is his specialty. I hope that ends soon.
LOL on the crafting...is it torturous? Our crafting is basically just coloring, painting, making spy books (not going to explain ) and me gluing stuff together for him with the hot glue gun...pom poms, googley eyes, wooden sticks, etc...

We've been trying the sitting at the table, but the other night I swear we were there 45 minutes and he was content and I was the one aggravated.

Quote:
Originally Posted by morbid_gray View Post
I'm totally in the same boat right now with both boys. My 5yo starts things, and has an attitude (he's had an attitude since his bro was a baby), and it rubs off on his bro, who is already going through his 2 year old fits and attitudes. Nothing seems to work, I keep trying new methods and combinations.

Hopefully this passes soon!
I wish you luck especially with two boys...they definitely feed off each other good or bad. I think what we need is a firm hand and to stick to our guns...if not
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Old 10-26-2010, 12:52 AM
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Thanks You too!

They've been a lot more emotional/misbehaving since we moved away from my parents in Aug. I'm hoping it passes, but it seems to get worse as time goes by. /sigh
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Old 10-26-2010, 12:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onelove View Post
Well, in my case crafting would be my punishment lol. Just kidding.

I've never made my kids go to bed hungry but the only thing I found that worked for my kids was just sitting at the table. Doing nothing. For about a half hour sometimes. It drove them all crazy & they hated just sitting there.

Worked like a charm. My son is 12 now & going through his annoying phase. Everything is a joke & bugging people is his specialty. I hope that ends soon.
That's what I do too hha except
I make my son sit in the corner of he room.. They go nuts when they have nothing to do...
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Old 10-26-2010, 04:36 AM
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....sometimes I have to sit in the corner of my room!
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Old 10-26-2010, 07:51 AM
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my kids are in taekwondo and they love it.
if they misbehave, they don't get to go; if they don't go, they can't test and get their new belt...works.like.a.charm.

they have to feel the loss of something, and 4 year olds are capable of feeling it.
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Old 10-26-2010, 08:01 AM
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my kids are in taekwondo and they love it.
if they misbehave, they don't get to go; if they don't go, they can't test and get their new belt...works.like.a.charm.

they have to feel the loss of something, and 4 year olds are capable of feeling it.
^^ This!

I also wanted to add that going to bed w/ out dinner once in awhile is harder on us as parents than it's on them. I stuggled w/ that when Sophie didn't want to sit and eat at mealtimes. I even asked our pediatrician about it. She agreed, they won't "starve" and if I remember correctly it only happened once or twice before she figured it out and HATED it and we haven't had a problem ever since... that was probably 2 years ago!

Hope you find something that works for you, I know how frustrating it is! Right now Sophie (who has always been pretty stubborn - can thank her genetics for that ) is really trying to test boundaries and it's driving me nuts!
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Old 10-26-2010, 08:33 AM
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Hang in there It's only by trial and error that finds something that works for you and your son, I don't know one parent that hasn't had to go through this

Is he in pre-school or involved in anything with other children his age? I was in a Mom's club until my youngest started Kindergarten. They did a lot of field trips, play groups, parties (halloween, valentines, etc.) and the kids loved it. The playgroup was something they looked forward to every week. Kind of like Shi, when they misbehaved, they wouldn't get to go to weekly playgroup which was always at someone's house. All 3 of my boys also went to Pre-K (when they were 4) which I think helped them gain a sense of rules, boundaries, social enrichment, etc. because I could tell a big difference at home.
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Old 10-26-2010, 08:53 AM
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Hang in there It's only by trial and error that finds something that works for you and your son, I don't know one parent that hasn't had to go through this

Is he in pre-school or involved in anything with other children his age? I was in a Mom's club until my youngest started Kindergarten. They did a lot of field trips, play groups, parties (halloween, valentines, etc.) and the kids loved it. The playgroup was something they looked forward to every week. Kind of like Shi, when they misbehaved, they wouldn't get to go to weekly playgroup which was always at someone's house. All 3 of my boys also went to Pre-K (when they were 4) which I think helped them gain a sense of rules, boundaries, social enrichment, etc. because I could tell a big difference at home.
My son is in Pre-K and usually he listens and does what he is told. However there have been a few times that HE has told me he only got one star instead of two at school because he was talking when he wasn't supposed to or not listening. When they fill up their star chart they get to be "Superstars" and the schoool has this short ceremony for each child that has earned the reward. He earned it several times last year, but he hasn't even gotten it once this year I knew he behaved better in school and acted up more at home but it seems that he is more comfortable in his school setting and has started to act like his "normal" self

Today, he wouldn't get up off the floor and get dressed. So, I told him if he did not he couldn't play Angry Birds today. He continued to lay around like a helpless baby. I told a couple more times that he needed to get up and get dressed, and he did not. I then informed him that along with not being able to play Angry Birds we wouldn't watch any TV today. We'll see how much he likes it when we get home tonight. Hopefully tomorrow morning he'll get the picture

I would really like to get my son involved in soccer or even a karate class. I think having to follow rules, listening and following direction will help him. Plus it gives me something to restrict if he doesn't behave.
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Old 10-26-2010, 09:11 AM
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My friend took her little boy to school in his pajamas. He refused to get dressed and she is a photographer and had a newborn appointment scheduled during his preschool. She threw his crocs on his feet and took him to school. Knowing her kid, he probably liked it. Her parenting style is unstructured/kid-driven with positive reinforcement.

For us, we are both engineers and we like structure. So, we use both positive and negative reinforcement, depending on the behavior we are trying to modify. For something like perseverance when something is hard (rather than crying or fit throwing), playing more quietly or learning a new positive behavior I use sticker charts with reward payouts. However, for negative behaviors such as disrupting class, getting red cards at lunch or acting out I use negative (consequences) such as time out or restrictions

An example of our negative consequences: My son likes to play xbox with his dad. I have it restricted to an hour each night (2 hours on non-school days), but if he does not behave then I take it away. If his negative behavior becomes excessive, I take it away for 3 days or even a week. His kindergarten teacher gives him a smiley face at the end of the day so we know if he has earned his privileges. We don't always use that. Depending on the situation we might use time outs with an apology to the person. We ALWAY though spend time discussing the expectation and try to give him tools to make better decisions in the future. "What were you thinking/trying to accomplish when you ...". "How do you think you could make a better choice next time" It is important to us that even punishments be a teaching experience and not completely negative.
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Old 10-26-2010, 10:44 AM
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My DD has been going through a defiant stage as well. She has no problem scarfing down breakfast & lunch, but at dinner time she will not sit at the table and asks me to feed her. She also has been throwing things, saying "no", and not doing what she's told.

We do timeouts, but it only works sometimes. She has a pink bean bag type chair for downstairs timeouts and upstairs she has to be in her room with the door shut which she HATES!

I also threaten to take away toys & privileges. Usually that means no computer games. If she throws a toy we take it away for the night.
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Old 10-26-2010, 11:44 AM
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The acting out must come along with the age. Everyone always talks about the terrible 2s but he was an angel at that age. I wonder sometimes if boys are more rambunctious than girls. I never remember my niece being a little hellion
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Old 10-26-2010, 11:46 AM
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My son is in Pre-K and usually he listens and does what he is told. However there have been a few times that HE has told me he only got one star instead of two at school because he was talking when he wasn't supposed to or not listening. When they fill up their star chart they get to be "Superstars" and the schoool has this short ceremony for each child that has earned the reward. He earned it several times last year, but he hasn't even gotten it once this year I knew he behaved better in school and acted up more at home but it seems that he is more comfortable in his school setting and has started to act like his "normal" self

Today, he wouldn't get up off the floor and get dressed. So, I told him if he did not he couldn't play Angry Birds today. He continued to lay around like a helpless baby. I told a couple more times that he needed to get up and get dressed, and he did not. I then informed him that along with not being able to play Angry Birds we wouldn't watch any TV today. We'll see how much he likes it when we get home tonight. Hopefully tomorrow morning he'll get the picture

I would really like to get my son involved in soccer or even a karate class. I think having to follow rules, listening and following direction will help him. Plus it gives me something to restrict if he doesn't behave.


I am far from a parent

But I think thats a GREAT idea!

Hope he starts listening soon
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Old 10-26-2010, 11:56 AM
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^ just make sure you support the coach/ instructor. i coached ages 4-6 and i absolutely hated the parents whose kids wouldnt listen and the parents didnt care. i was not a fun coach in those cases, but (most of) the kids eventually listened.
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Old 10-27-2010, 05:15 PM
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I have neices and nephews and I find that things in general just work better if their parents am extremely clear and QUICK.

This:
"I told him that I shouldn't have to ask him more than twice to stay in his chair"

You shouldn't have to tell him more than once. So just be sure it isn't like 12 warnings. Be sure to use if...then statements. I feel like the punishment should happen right then. like the corner or timeout for that specific type of offence. (all IMO) because otherwise you are just chasing them around talking about some distant future.

I think sports will help too because it sounds like that kid has some energy that needs to be directed away from you. ha ha

I do love these parenting threads so I can learn from all you awesome mommas.
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Old 10-27-2010, 07:55 PM
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I shouldn't have to ask him more than once, but I want him to have a fair warning...twice is my limit. I've seen really strict parents and that just isn't my parenting style. NTTIAWWT. I'm no pushover by any means though

The restrictions worked very well I took away his games and TV and he was a perfect angel the rest of the day. He even asked me the next morning if had been a good boy. I think he knows now that I mean business when I ask him to do something
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Old 10-27-2010, 09:28 PM
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I shouldn't have to ask him more than once, but I want him to have a fair warning...twice is my limit. I've seen really strict parents and that just isn't my parenting style. NTTIAWWT. I'm no pushover by any means though

The restrictions worked very well I took away his games and TV and he was a perfect angel the rest of the day. He even asked me the next morning if had been a good boy. I think he knows now that I mean business when I ask him to do something
NTTIATWWT? I don't know what that means.

Glad to see things have improved! at the
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Old 10-27-2010, 09:51 PM
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Old 10-27-2010, 10:15 PM
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