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Old 01-12-2010, 08:30 AM
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Aunt the Meddler

I need some advice.. Hope you guys can help me with this. I have an adorable niece with my sister. She can be an angel when she's in the mood but when she acts up, she can really be like a devil. Pardon me but it's true. Sometimes, I pity my sister because my niece seems to be getting the upper-hand most of the time. One time, my sister had to run some errands for the day and asked to me to take care of my lovely niece. My sister rarely asks for my help so even with my tight deadlines, I agreed to be a babysitter for a day. I wanted to bring a smile to my sister's face when she gets home so I told my niece to clean her spot in the house and fix her toys. She just looked at me and said no. I told her how mommy would be happy when she comes and sees how orderly her playground is. She suddenly threw tantrums and kept on telling me no. Thank God my sister was right on time. She just came home and heard us. I let my sister talk to my niece. I talked to my sister and told her that my niece should learn to respect her elders and to not talk to us that way. I think my sister took it the wrong way and told me to just my mind my own business. It's so hard when your family's involved. I think my niece will grow up to be a brilliant and beautiful lady but I think she should learn the value of respect and obedience. These are the intangible things that we can leave her with as she grows up.

I need your help. I don't want to lose my relationship with my sister and her family. I just don't want my niece to grow up spoiled and ill-mannered.
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:40 AM
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Well, my sister pretty much disowned me when I told her I didn't LOVE a haircut she gave me (she's a hairdresser). This was about 11 years ago (maybe more) and she refused to let me see her newborn daughter then, too, as part of my 'punishment'. I've since learned, I can't be honest with her and I don't bother anymore. It's not my place to tell her what to do with her family- and she doesn't want to hear it from me anyhow.

Do what you feel is right, but respect that your sister has the right to raise her daughter whatever way she feels best, and that speaking up might have some negative repercussions. I never expected my sister to react the way she did over something so insignificant as a less-than-ideal haircut.
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:42 AM
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how old is your niece? how you handle it will depend on her age.

i believe in teaching respect from day one, but i also realize that there are certain stages in development when toddlers exercise their independence as well. one way is to say, "no".

edit: i agree with Marcano as well; too much "meddling" will spoil your relationship. as right as you think you are (and you are right), no one likes to be told how to parent.
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:49 AM
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I'm convinced that all kids - no matter how wonderful and well behaved they are - go through a little bratty phase. Maybe your niece is going through her's.

It's not really your place to tell your sister how to raise her child, but you can say "no" the next time you're asked to baby sit!
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Old 01-12-2010, 08:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaFemmeNAKITA View Post
I'm convinced that all kids - no matter how wonderful and well behaved they are - go through a little bratty phase. Maybe your niece is going through her's.

It's not really your place to tell your sister how to raise her child, but you can say "no" the next time you're asked to baby sit!
I agree with this^
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Old 01-12-2010, 10:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaFemmeNAKITA View Post
I'm convinced that all kids - no matter how wonderful and well behaved they are - go through a little bratty phase. Maybe your niece is going through her's.

It's not really your place to tell your sister how to raise her child, but you can say "no" the next time you're asked to baby sit!
Quote:
Originally Posted by lizm75 View Post
I agree with this^
this applies even more if you are not a parent yourself. it's easy to discipline from the sidelines.
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Old 01-12-2010, 01:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dojoqueen View Post
this applies even more if you are not a parent yourself. it's easy to discipline from the sidelines.
Yes, THIS. Parenting is tough & is not as cut & dry as some would like to think!
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:44 PM
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I never say anything about parenting unless I am being forced to watch the child and there are OBVIOUS bad things going on. My niece has a biting problem and she is four. I refuse to watch her and I have told her mother why. I am not getting bit. The other thing I said something about was her expired car seat which maybe I shouldn't have in retrospect. They had a brand new one in the other car so I just didn't get it.

The thing that is hard is when "bad" parenting starts to affect you like when you have to watch the child. I have a relative who thinks that family holidays are the time to not watch her own child, the cannibal one. So every family member has to make sure she isn't getting into something because her mom decided today was the day to go to Kohls.

I think maybe you could have handled the situation a little better. Instead of saying "You should teach her this...blah blah" You could have said something like "Does she always do that? Or is this a stage she is going through..." Like make her maybe think what you want to say. If that makes any sense. Apologize, and move on. Just pass on watching her next time. How old is the girl anyways?
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