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Old 12-18-2009, 09:40 PM
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Help with my 9 year old daughter

Holy cow - my once sweet, patient, funny and loving daughter has been replaced with a crying, manipulative, angry, sassy (tons of back talk) crazy pre-pre-teen. I have no idea how to raise her now. She's mad at me about something all the time. I feel like I'm constantly on her case because she's been rude or unappreciative. I try to give her space and not nag her but she's been so hard for me to connect with lately. Is it a reaction to the new baby? Any suggestions on how to help her or how I should change my approach? Is this normal 9 year old behavior?
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:52 PM
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Honestly, it could be both reacting to the new baby and just being a nine-year-old girl. My 12-year-old is pretty calm and cooperative, but my 10-year-old...wow, she has a mouth on her. My sister was a back-talker too, and seemed to outgrow it after a few years.

Does she back her dad too? The only tip I can give is to be firm with her (I truly believe in consequences...like taking something she values away, etc.), but also understand that her hormones are probably going wild, and that may be just a coincidence in timing with your new baby. She'll come around; hopefully SOON!

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Old 12-18-2009, 09:57 PM
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I don't have much too add except my 6 year old daughter has been kinda the same way since the baby. Some days she is constantly trying to push her limits and will get extremely jealous of her baby brother. Other days she is so proud to be a big sister.
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Old 12-19-2009, 05:02 PM
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Thanks ladies. I'll try and be consistent and patient with her. I just hope this stage passes soon.
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Old 12-19-2009, 05:32 PM
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Hormones. I hit puberty pretty early and acted pretty bitchy from about 8-11 (though, you know me, my idea of "bitch" is Babe In Total Charge of Herself )
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Old 12-19-2009, 06:32 PM
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Maybe have her help out with the baby more (give her some big sister responsibilities) and reassure her that she is not being "replaced". I would usually make sure I tell my kids "you are the only Jane I have, there is no other Jane" whenever I had a new baby. You're probably doing that already, but just in case.

Hang in there. My 10 y/o is pretty good but I can tell already my almost 9 year old will be difficult to work with. She already is doing the eye rolling and muttering under her breath thing.

Congrats on the baby, too.
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Old 12-19-2009, 06:54 PM
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Do you two get any girls' time alone? That may help. I know she's 5 years older than my son, but it seems like when he starts to act out a lot, if either my husband or I take him one-on-one somewhere, even just grocery shopping, it helps immensely. I would agree that it's likely a combination of hormones and adjusting to not being an only child anymore. I'm guessing that the hormones make the adjustment harder than "normal".
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Old 12-20-2009, 09:06 AM
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My son went through this right before and after the baby was born. I felt the same exact way...my sweet son was a terror for about 4 months. Whenever he started getting sassy I would try to change the subject to something I know he likes. Not sure if this is going to work for a 9 year old?
I agree with trying to spend 1:1 time with him too. We found that this helped him feel like he was not excluded.
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:22 PM
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I think you all are right about the 1 on 1 time AND the hormone thing. I just have to pull myself together and be a more patient mama regardless of how exhausted and overwhelmed I feel
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Old 12-20-2009, 08:27 PM
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Wow, my kids aren't that old yet, but you know...my neice is about 10 and my friend's kid is 9, they both have recently exhibited sassy, angry, "I know it all" behavior too I kind of thought maybe it was an age thing
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Old 12-22-2009, 07:48 AM
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My best friend's daughter is 11, she is a mouthy little skank. I love her to death but no doubt I would slap her daily if she were mine.

Skank is a term of endearment for me.
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:29 AM
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^OMG. LOL! Yes, I've seen this too with friend's kids. Kat!

I am terrified of this age in girls (and the rest of their teens to be honest!)
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Old 12-30-2009, 08:19 PM
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An update: we have been spending a lot of one on one time together - even doing dumb things like going to Costco or sometimes I'll even take her to work with me and she'll just sit in my office with me and color or read. She's so wonderful when she gets this alone time. Thank you all for the suggestions and the support. I think she really just needs patience and understanding and I've just been so tired and busy that I'm not as good at remembering to be patient.
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Old 12-30-2009, 09:34 PM
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you're doing great, Kat. i'm sure your daughter knows you're trying, and that means a lot to her.
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