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Old 12-17-2009, 08:06 PM
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I think we have decided

To have Mia be our only child. We just don't want to risk our marriage. It was pretty hard getting through the colicy infant stage, we fear we won't make it twice. Someone tell me Mia will still be happy without a sibling?
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:11 PM
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Liz there are advantages and disadvantages to both sides of the fence. You have to do what is best for you and your relationship with your husband, and if having another child will put too much strain on your marriage...you have two options.

1) decide to never have another baby;
2) take a break from thinking about it for a while, and revisit the issue in a few months, or even a year or so. Maybe you'll know for sure how you feel.

Another thought to ponder: just because Mia was colicky and fussy doesn't mean another baby will be.

Personally, I would just wait this out a little bit and see how you feel later. I wouldn't do anything permanent for a while...until you are 10000% sure you want no more children.

In any case, Mia will be just fine because she has loving parents who will take great care of her...either alone or with sibling(s).
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:33 PM
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since my son was born ive said im never having another.. because he is a TERROR but now that hes older, the terrorist thing only happens at night... but even though I would be ok with another now.. It would completely fail my marriage.. so I say do what you feel is best, but dont make any final decisions unless you have to
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:49 PM
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Well I am turning 35 in May and eally don't want to bear children much past mid 30s... I am not keen on taking chances with things like down syndrome.
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:57 PM
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I had Emaan at 37.5; that gives you a full two years.

All I'm saying is just think it over before making a final decision.
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:01 PM
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Mia will be a happy child with parents who love her!

My husband is an only child and he LOVED having 100% of his parents attention.
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:10 PM
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fwiw, I loved being an only child too. It's only now that I'm a grown up that it would be nice to have siblings, but I have hubby's siblings for that.
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:10 PM
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I'm an only child and LOVE it!
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:14 PM
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Oh i should add.. Im the baby of 5.. and my siblings and I arent very close at all.. my sister is 10 years older than me and while on the outside we have a lot in common, we are nothing alike and find it painful to sustain a conversation with each other. My brother on the other hand is about 2 years older than me and while we dont have a lot in common, we do see each other more.. but Ive always wished for closer siblings.. so I dont think actually having them and being close with them come in the same package.. kids can be just as happy being an only (Sometimes I think I wouldve been happier as an only )
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:17 PM
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I agree with the others - Mia will be happy and well-adjusted because she has two loving parents.
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:48 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dojoqueen View Post
I had Emaan at 37.5; that gives you a full two years.

All I'm saying is just think it over before making a final decision.
Every time I fear being too old I now think of Shi
It's very helpful. There are others here too who had children later. I don't want any in my forties but late thirties isn't bad.

I want only one child two would be great three would be ideal, I just don't think I personally could do it. I agree with Nicole, having siblings doesn't guarantee anything. I know siblings who are very close and siblings who can't stand each other. I know someone who is one of ten, he only talks to maybe two of his siblings. I agree with Shi wait until you are definitely sure to do anything but if that really is having the one child, be confident in that. There are plenty of only children and as long as she is loved [which she obviously is] she will be fine.
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Old 12-17-2009, 10:29 PM
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I was an only child and was perfectly happy being one. My daughter will most likely be an only child and so far she's a happy and healthy child.

Like Shi mentioned, another child may be nothing like Mia in terms of colic/fussiness. All babies are different. A coworker of mine who has a 3 year old and a 1 year old told me if the 1 year old had come first, she probably wouldn't have had another. Compared to the 3 year old, the 1 year old is high maintenance.
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Old 12-18-2009, 12:54 AM
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I don't have kids, but I have heard parents of multiples say that the difference between one child and the other was night and day.
I am an only child and there are advantages and disadvantages...don't feel guilty if you only choose to have one, but maybe there are some underlying issues if you fear having a second will be a detriment to your marriage (not trying to infer Have you talked about your feelings related to fearing risking your marriage for a second?
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:23 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jetta_07 View Post
I don't have kids, but I have heard parents of multiples say that the difference between one child and the other was night and day.
I am an only child and there are advantages and disadvantages...don't feel guilty if you only choose to have one, but maybe there are some underlying issues if you fear having a second will be a detriment to your marriage (not trying to infer Have you talked about your feelings related to fearing risking your marriage for a second?
I can definitely second that opinion. All six of my girls had/have very different personalities; some are serious, some goofy. I was lucky to have easy-going babies, but they still were different from each other. My first was definitely my most serious and most challenging, because she was my first and we were pretty clueless. We caught on soon, but those first few months were a guessing game.

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Old 12-18-2009, 07:22 AM
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Liz - I never planned on having another baby but as you know got pregnant by miracle or accident (depends on who you ask) I don't think Mia will suffer if she is an only child. I can also tell you that Abram was an easy baby so I don't know what I would do otherwise. My marriage is stronger now because of this pregnancy, we were not getting along at all and kinda had to figure out if this was going to work or not.
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Old 12-18-2009, 02:21 PM
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I am an only child and I think I turned out perfectly fine. As a matter of fact, I don't think it would have been good for my parent's marriage had they had another child. There are up sides to being an only. You get undivided attention of your parents and finances are obviously better with one.

I agree with Shi that it may be good to wait and reevaluate in a few years. I am the same age as you and understand the pressure of wanting to avoid "advance maternal age" status. However, logically what difference does one or two years make. I am already 34. Does 36 or even 37 put me at an exponentially higher risk than 35?

It helps that I live in an area where the average child bearing age seems to be mid-30s or higher. Most of my friends with kids are older than I am, between 35-40 and have healthy kids. I feel more reassured that I will be fine if our 2nd child comes along in a couple of years.
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Old 12-19-2009, 07:55 PM
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Liz.... i posted a thread a while back about possibly having only one child. I haven't read all the posts here yet (my 2.5 year old doesnt' want me to LOL).

But that is almost the number one reason I only want one. I don't think our marriage would survive it. And I don't really want to start over with another baby.

I still say I reserve the right to change my mind. But at this point, Nicholas is going to be an only. I am happy about that decision and feel it is right for our family. At the end of the day, that is all that matters. That you and your family do what is right for you. Not what anyone else thinks. And believe me, I have asked for and received lots of advice on the situation.
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Old 12-19-2009, 08:05 PM
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Being an only child was the best thing that could have happened to me. I'm sure Mia will grow up just fine, and you can always have her hang out with friends' kids in order to have her "socialized" (which i don't think my overprotective parents did enough of with me)

Also, did you look into a possible milk protein allergy as the cause of the colic? Does she get ear infections/eczema as well? That could be a really easy fix.
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Old 12-19-2009, 09:04 PM
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Being an only child was the best thing that could have happened to me. I'm sure Mia will grow up just fine, and you can always have her hang out with friends' kids in order to have her "socialized" (which i don't think my overprotective parents did enough of with me)

Also, did you look into a possible milk protein allergy as the cause of the colic? Does she get ear infections/eczema as well? That could be a really easy fix.
She's never had an ear infection or eczema. She definitely had no milk protein allergy. She was just colicky. I have read that research strongly suggests a higher instance of colic in babies whose mother's were very stressed during pregnancy. I believe that Mia was colicky because I was really stressed with my mother being sick and dying in conjunction with having a really horrible boss at work. I do think that if we were to have another baby the likelihood of he or she being colicky is probably pretty low.
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Old 12-20-2009, 12:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lizm75 View Post
She's never had an ear infection or eczema. She definitely had no milk protein allergy. She was just colicky. I have read that research strongly suggests a higher instance of colic in babies whose mother's were very stressed during pregnancy. I believe that Mia was colicky because I was really stressed with my mother being sick and dying in conjunction with having a really horrible boss at work. I do think that if we were to have another baby the likelihood of he or she being colicky is probably pretty low.
Colic is sooo complex. I think they "the experts" are just starting to figure it out. It doesn't even exist in some countries.


Your child will be fine without a sibling. Don't feel bad. I was an only child. I consider myself normal enough. lol
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Old 12-20-2009, 12:44 AM
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Liz, for me the second child has been wonderful, even easier that our 1st child. But...I find myself more stressed now because it is harder. If your marriage is suffering, do not add more to it.
Mia is beautiful and perfect. She will be much better off an only child if her Mommy and Daddy are happy
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Old 12-20-2009, 01:16 AM
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I am an only child & absolutely love being an only child.
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Old 12-20-2009, 05:01 AM
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Liz, I'd have to agree with Jamie. My 2nd (mia too!) was easier and to be honest, I think she strengthened our marriage. When Vera was born I felt like I could do everything on my own and I excluded my husband a lot but when I was pregnant with Mia and after I had her, I realized that I needed him much more. Mia was also very different than Vera. Vera loved being close to us, held and cuddled and Mia preferred being in her swing and would get fussy if she was held too much. So, the personalities are very different.

Also, in my family there are 3 of us. Of the 3, I was the only colicky baby.

But you know what is best for you, your husband and your family. I just hope you give it some time to think about all the possibilities before you make a decision that you cannot reverse.
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Old 12-22-2009, 11:07 PM
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Quote:
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If your marriage is suffering, do not add more to it.
Mia is beautiful and perfect. She will be much better off an only child if her Mommy and Daddy are happy


I'm not a mom, but I do know that you and John will be great parents for Mia and she will have a wonderful life with or without another sibling. Only you know what your marriage can handle (and what you want to ask it to handle).
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Old 12-25-2009, 07:16 PM
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Nothing wrong with one kid. My mom was 40 when she had me and I'm the only one! I never had issues being an only child growing up, in fact I liked it. I'm close with my parents, I traveled a lot, got my own car, and have no debt from school because of them. If I ever have kids, I'll probably only have one.
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