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Old 10-24-2009, 10:48 AM
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Questions about having children

I'm 25, and while babies are not in the immediate future, I'm starting to give more thought to whether I want them in my future at all. I'm interested in the perspective of moms with kids of different ages, so this is the only place I could think of.

1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind?
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!)
3. Were you married first?
4. Did the father also want kids?
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work?
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?
11. What is the best thing about having kids?
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids?
14. Anything else?


Thanks in advance!
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:17 AM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? always
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!24-planned
3. Were you married first?yes
4. Did the father also want kids? yes
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?2 kids. 7 and 3 years old. No more.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? I didn't.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?My children are my career.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?Seeing your husband grow as a father is an amazing thing. Becoming a "team" in order to raise our children together, which I think makes you closer.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Don't think so. I love being a young mom.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? You can't be selfish, so if you are not ready for the lifestyle, wait to have kids until you know you can commit.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? Hugs and kisses from them.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? When they get hurt or sick. The painful fear of losing them.
13. 13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? yes
14. Anything else? "Having children is like letting your heart walk around outside of your body."

Last edited by Meg; 10-24-2009 at 11:38 AM.
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:34 AM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind?

Yes

2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!)

EDIT: I messed up my ages, lol. 26, 27, 29, 32, 34, 36; not planned, but not fully prevented either. The rest were a mix; #6 was immaculate conception. JUST KIDDING!! She was a complete shock though...NOT planning any more.

3. Were you married first?

Yes

4. Did the father also want kids?

Yes

5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?

I have six daughters: almost 12, 10, 8, almost 6, 3.5, and 14 months

6. When (if at all) did you go back to work?

Have not gone back yet, but planning on it.

7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?

Hugely; I am going in a completely different direction than I was. Partly because of my children and partly because I HATED what I was doing before.

8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?

My husband and I have learned a lot about each other rearing six daughters; we agree on a lot of the big points, but have learned to compromise on the rest.

9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?

No; I love that they're close in age.

10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?

Parenting is hands-down the toughest job you will ever take on. Be sure you are willing to give up anything and everything for your kids. BUT, keep in mind how very worth it they are; there are so many joys...

11. What is the best thing about having kids?

Bonding, "lovies", and they're little toothless smiles; when they're older, a relationship like no other.

12. What is the worst thing about having kids?

That's a tough one; I'd say the constant worrying about them, wanting them to succeed but having to let them fall sometimes...it's a tough balance because everyone wants their child to be the best. They can't be the best...watching them cry and struggle at things...

13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids?

Yes.

14. Anything else?

They grow up way too fast; it sounds cliche, but is the absolute truth. For me, that is the hardest thing to accept.

EDIT: I thought about this more: In my opinion, parenting is one of the most thankless jobs you will ever have as well. You don't get paid, you don't receive benefits, bonuses for a job well-done. You don't get time off, accolades from anyone, or even a simple "thank you" half the time. You're always on call, never unavailable (even if you work outside the home). BUT it is also the most rewarding job when you see your child go from a helpless wrinkled newborn to an independent, beautiful adult, and knowing that you had a hand in that.
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Old 10-24-2009, 11:54 AM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? Yes, but I never really thought a lot about it, just knew that eventually I'd be ready.
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) 26. It was planned. My husband and I had been married for 5 years. I had finished college, we'd bought a house, we both had good jobs, so it started to feel like it was the right time!
3. Were you married first?Yes
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?3 - 5 yrs old girl, 2.5 yr old and 3 month old boy - probably done, well see...
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work?Thought I would, but I fell in love with my daughter and couldn't imagine putting her in day care! I have worked from home ever since. First in real estate until the market crashed and now I have an eBay store! We need an income from me to be able to survive, but I figured out ways to do it without having to leave my kids!
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? Best thing EVER, I love being my own boss!!
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?The truth? For us, its been a good bit harder. 3 SMALL children have added a lot of stress. Of course neither of us would trade them for anything, but we have to work a lot harder at our relationship.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? I'd do things differently as far as the actual giving birth of my daughter. Somethings happened during delivery that I would change, but nothing else. Everything I've ever done in my life has led me to my precious babies!!
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?Don't feel any pressure; wait until you are ready; don't have them if you think you don't want them. There is nothing wrong with that!!
11. What is the best thing about having kids?watching them grow! Getting hugs and kisses! Vacations! Watching Spongebob!
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?Worrying about them.
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids?NO, AND I STILL DON'T!!!
14. Anything else? Wait until you are ready!!!


Thanks in advance![/QUOTE]
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Old 10-24-2009, 06:58 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? Yes.
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) 17 (Not planned) 20 (Not planned) 25 (Planned)
3. Were you married first? 1st, no. 2nd, getting divorced. 3rd, yes.
4. Did the father also want kids? No and Yes.
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? 2 children. 6 years old and 4 months old and we plan on having at least one more in a couple years.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? Haven't went back to work yet but after my daughter I went back to work at when she was 1.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? If any thing, I think it has helped. I want to be able to provide for my children.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? Nope.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Even though I had my first pretty young, I wouldn't change a thing.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? It's a huge commitment so if you don't think you're ready, don't do it. It is, however, one of the best life experiences.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? Being called 'mom' and having unconditional love for them.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Lack of sleep the first few months.
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? Honestly, no.
14. Anything else?
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Old 10-24-2009, 07:56 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? I have always wanted kids but I wanted hubs and I to have time to ourselves before we added to our family. We were married 4 years before we tried to conceive #1
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) Pregnant with our first at 25. She was planned.
3. Were you married first? Yes, we'd been married 4 years
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes but I think we had our first before he had planned
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? we have 2 kids and 1 on the way. 5 yrs old and 4 yrs old. I think we'll stop at 3 but you never know
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? I did not go back to work. I wanted to be a SAHM. I do stuff from home though, I wouldn't consider it work
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?No affected as it was really not going anywhere. Hubs is in the military and we move often so my jobs never interested me much.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?there was definitely a time of adjustment, to figure out our places in this new growing family. But we have found our places and stronger for it.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?Nothing I would do differently. I think we are all meant to be just where we are at.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? You need to be ready for children, they are the biggest commitment in your life. And don't jump into it if you are not ready. But when you do, it is the most rewarding, hardest, emotional thing you will ever experience. You will discover a new love that is indescribable.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? Watching them become their own people, discover life and learn. And to see your spouse in them, I love that!
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?Sometimes lacking personal time
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? not so much, they used to wear me out
14. Anything else?Don't rush into anything you are not ready for.
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Last edited by alexandra1999; 10-24-2009 at 07:57 PM.
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Old 10-24-2009, 08:43 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? Yes
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) Pregnant with first at 26. She was kind of planned, went off BC but didn't think I would get preggo so quickly. Second one preggo at 28 and wasn't planned
3. Were you married first? No, living together for 5 years beforehand and married right after found out was preggo with the 1st
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes but the second was not planned
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? I have 2 girls, ages 6 and 4 and two step-sons ages 11 and 10. Not planning more, don't want more, I can't handle more I'm divorced and re-married
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? About 10-12 weeks after each pregnancy
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?Not really, I was an Engineer before I had kids and now I'm an Engineering Manager
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? Yes, it made me realize how much more important life is and part of the reason why I left my ex. They made me realize how bad my ex really was and how important a good life for the sake of the kids was(he was a druggie )
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?Nothing I would do differently. I think we are all meant to be just where we are at.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? It is fine to not want kids, but does your guy want kids and you don't or something? Its hard for me to say because I have always wanted kids, I can't really imagine contemplating it
11. What is the best thing about having kids? They lift up your heart and can make you smile on the worst of days, its nothing you can describe unless you have kids but I highly recommend having them
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?It is never just YOU anymore, you always have to be responsible for them, be it making sure they have a babysitter or whatever. But I agree with Meg, the fears of something happening to my kids is horrible, I can have daytime nightmares of it
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? Yes
14. Anything else?My kids are the only people I can say I would love NO MATTER what they did, if they did something horrible I would still love them and support them, it is a truely unconditional love. Just the thought of my kids while I'm away from them will bring a smile to my face, I can honestly say that I do not love anyone and have never loved anyone as much as I love my kids
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Old 10-24-2009, 08:47 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? No, I didn't always want kids. At the end of highschool my bf's love for children changed my mind a bit
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) I was 18, hubby and I planned it, but I miscarried. I got pregnant again at 19 and delivered right after I turned 20
3. Were you married first? Yes
4. Did the father also want kids? Yep, thankfully
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? 2, we might have another in a couple years, but that's undecided. 4 and 1.5 now.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? I got laid off when I was pregnant with my oldest and have not gone back to work since
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? I was going to go into law enforcement, but thats really not an option for me anymore. I won't put myself in harms way for a job, when I have kids depending on me
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? If I could guarantee to have the EXACT same children, but at a later date in time, I would. I really didn't have much time to be a young adult before giving up my freedom, and becoming a mom.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? Wait, until you're sure
11. What is the best thing about having kids? MMM, so many things. Just being able to watch them grow, and learn. Being able to love them, and hold them. I wouldn't change it for the world!
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Not being able to get out and do fun things (like rock concerts), but in a couple years I'll take them to the outdoor festivals with me, so it'll be okay
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? No. I was the first of my friends to have kids. I used to volunteer at summer camps as a teen, which was fun, but I never spent one on one time with any kids in particular.
14. Anything else? Make sure you want kids before trying. And no matter what, be kind an loving, even if you weren't prepared to have them
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Old 10-24-2009, 09:16 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? Yes
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) Conceived 17, gave birth at 18, unplanned
3. Were you married first? Nope, he's trying to surprise me with a proposal next month though
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes, just not that early
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? 1, 10 months old, yes
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? Don't work currently, student
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? ...
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? Yes, we have both realized what the important things in life are.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Everyone always asks me this and expects me to say yes, but now that my sweet baby is here, I cannot imagine life without her. So no, I wouldn't have done it differently. My boyfriend and I were already planning on getting married and starting a family asap, so we just say we got started a little early.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? Make sure your mind is made up before you jump into anything.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? The overwhelming love you discover when you have a baby. Watching them each day as they grow and learn new things.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Not being able to have much "you time" or time alone with your spouse/BF
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? Yes!
14. Anything else? Even if you encounter an unplanned pregnancy, and even if it is at the worst possible time, it will still all work out. You will love that baby more than anything once she gets here. I promise, it's not the end of the world
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Old 10-24-2009, 10:19 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? I was never a "baby" person until I had my own. After 2 years of being married it just felt right to start our family.
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) It was planned, and I was 23 when I got pregnant with our first son.
3. Were you married first? Yes
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? 2 boys, I wanted 3, but we are finished because of my difficult pregnancies.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? Being a mommy is my job now.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? They are my career.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? Wow, I would need a whole 'nother thread to answer this one, haha. Ultimately it has definitely brought us closer together. I love my husband even more watching him be the awesome Daddy he is, and watching how much both of our boys LOVE their Daddy.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?I would not read every magazine and book about how to be a good parent and trust my instincts more.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? I honestly feel I didn't know what real love or happiness was until we had our boys. I honestly feel I didn't know what real fear was either. My biggest fear in life is something happening to them. I almost cry just writing that down.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? The love, waking up to my baby's smile.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Trying to get enough nookie. JK. Probably the disciplining part.. a difficult but necessary thing.
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? No, not really. I come from a big family and babysat a lot, so I was all "kidded" out for a while.
14. Anything else? Being a mom is honestly the best thing ever! I had HUGE goals in life, going to the olympics being one of them, but I have never once felt like I gave anything up to be a mom or have a family. I do, however, think people need to think harder before having kids, and not just do it because it's the cool thing to do. These are real lives here, and I think each child deserves a loving, nurturing family.
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Old 10-25-2009, 05:12 AM
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I'm typing this while nursing my 2.5 month old so I may have some spelling issues!

1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? I didn't really think about it
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) 20 - not unplanned and 29 - planned down to the month I wanted him born!
3. Were you married first? engaged; married
4. Did the father also want kids? yes (he put a lot of pressure on me for #2)
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? 2 - almost 9 and 2.5 months
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? I was a student with #1 and I went back to class within 2 weeks. With #2 I never really stopped working because I can work from home.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? I think it has taken a hit. It is definitely a hard balance because I'm in a very competitive field. We also don't put our kids in daycare and the baby is exclusively breastfed so I can't really be away from him for more than 2 hours at a time.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? I wouldn't want to parent without my husband but sometimes we disagree on parenting decisions.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? No.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? Keep a sense of humor and just go with it. If it seems like the right time to have kids then do it.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? So, so many great things
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Lack of sleep and constant worry
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? I guess. I am the second oldest of 7 and my youngest brother was born when I was a teenager so I've been around babies and toddlers and kids a lot.
14. Anything else?


Thanks in advance![/QUOTE]
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Old 10-25-2009, 03:16 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? I never WANTED kids, but I was not gainst having them either. If my husband did not want any, I would have been fine without kids. Or so I thought before I had him. I also thought I was missing the "mother" gene, that maybe I was not cut out to be a mother. I probably wasn't, but I managed so far. I am not saying it was (or is) easy, but for me, it was totally worth it. I cannot imagine my life without him
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) 30. Planned to the month. Luckily it worked that way.
3. Were you married first? Yes
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes
5.How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? 1 kid - 3 1/2, and I am done.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? He was three months old, and it was HARD.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? My career lost its importance to me. It helps that I am at a point in my career where I can afford it. Also, I cannot be 100% at work anymore - I am absolutely always thinking about what is going on at home, and feeling guilty I am not not home, and probably missing out on something. I, for example, missed his first step. At the same time, I love my work, and I don't think I like staying home full time once he's in school, so I have to keep going.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? It has been a huge adjustment, we still play it by the seat of our pants most days.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Part of me thinks I should have waited a few years, and travelled some more, but I am holding out hope we can do this with the kid in a few years.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?
Try to imagine you are 50 something, you can't be preganant anymore. Do you regret not having any? I wasn't READY for kids, but I thought I would regret not having any later in life. I am happy happy happy I did.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? It's been said before - you thought you knew love, but as it turns out you knew shit. I can't freakin believe the love I feel for my child, and just seeing him when I come back home running to me, with his eyes glowing as he yells mama, mama... that is the best. That, and the toothless smiles when they start recognizing you.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?My life as I knew it is gone,and I liked my life before. My life right now is fabulous and I would not change anything for the world, but it's different. I can't make decisions on a whim anymore, and I used to, and I liked it. I can't travel any time any place anymore, and I liked it.

...but did I mention the smiles?


13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? No, and I still don't. Luckily, we are genetically programmed to like our offspring, or they would be in trouble.
14. Anything else?

I honestly think having kids alters your perspective on life. Sometimes for the better, but sometimes for the worse. I am a rational, calculated, law abiding person. It scares me to realize everything goes out the window if my child is involved. I can in all honesty say that if my child were threatened in any way, I would have no problem going to any extent (and I do mean any extent) to stop that threat.
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Last edited by Luca; 10-25-2009 at 03:21 PM.
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Old 10-25-2009, 03:52 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? Yes I always wanted to have kids, at least 2.
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) 26 and 32.
3. Were you married first? Yes
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? One 5 year old and one on the way. 5 years and 28 weeks gestation. No I don't think so.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? About 8 weeks after Abram was born.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? Abram and this pregnancy comes 1st. My career has not been affected by this.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? Yes some for the better and some for the worse. And no I will not elaborate.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Yes a few things. Hindsight is always 20/20.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? Don't do it if you are a selfish person. Also if you are driven crazy by someone constantly needing your attention then you should run like hell from having a child.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? Having someone to love unconditionally, hearing mama, being needed by someone who thinks you are the shit!!
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Worrying about their well being. The fear that they aren't safe 100% of the time.
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? yes
14. Anything else?
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Old 10-25-2009, 08:56 PM
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Thanks for starting this thread, Riv. I'm about to turn 30 and this topic has definitely been on my mind...a lot.
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Old 10-25-2009, 10:20 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind?
I did. But for a while, I tried (ultimately unsuccessfully) to convince myself that I'd be ok if I never had a family.
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!)
30 and 34...both planned
3. Were you married first?
Yes
4. Did the father also want kids?
He always thought he didn't want kids but he eventually decided to "give in" because I couldn't not be a mom.
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?
Two sons - 4.5 and 13 months..I'm most definitely DONE.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work?
After No. 1 - 12 months; after No. 2 - 6 months.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?
It' s harder. I feel a real pull back and forth...especially when they get sick. I hate/feel guilty about missing work, yet, really have no choice.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?
I think we would not be together if not for our kids...I would not have been happy in life without a family. He was meant to be a dad and it is as plain as day to anyone that sees him with our boys. Makes me love him more to know the gift he has given both of us.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?
I would just relax more and enjoy being a first-time mom. I was too anxious.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?
Not sure...I think as you get older, your true feelings will become clearer.
11. What is the best thing about having kids?
Unconditional love and affection.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?
Lack of freedom.
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids?
Not really.
14. Anything else?
I don't know. I work with teenagers who have unplanned preganancies. Some of them do wonderfully - finish school, make their children a priority, handle things really well. I also see unwanted, neglected children and screwed up families, generation after generation. It makes me so sad when I see bright, beautiful kids who don't even have a chance to have a happy, carefree childhood. Every child deserves to be cherished.
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Old 10-25-2009, 10:55 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind?
Did not want kids. Changed my mind after having live life a little
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!)
Thirties with the first, planned and still thirties with the second, planned.
3. Were you married first?
Yes
4. Did the father also want kids?
Yes
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?
We have 2 and we were planning on 1. 5 and 7.5 months. We are done .
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work?
Have not gone back to work and not planning to.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?
I want to be home with my children, so career is not an issue.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?
We now have more to laugh and cry about.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?
No
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?
Be sure that you are ready but if you are not, babies will bring the best out of you.
11. What is the best thing about having kids?
Your heart breaks from the love you have for them.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?
Your heart breaks from the worries they put you through.
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids?
Yes but it did not persuade me one way or another.
14. Anything else?
No one knows how it will be with kids in your life but the joy and love is undeniable.
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Old 10-26-2009, 12:05 AM
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I don't have children, so I can't really answer your questions sorry , but I am wondering if you have ever read the book The Price of Motherhood by Ann Crittenden?

I have a minor and Women's Studies and this is one of the books that was req for a course...def gave me some new perspectives. OP you might be interested in checking into this reading. Although, I will warn you the author doesn't sugar coat anything. Hence the: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued that follows the title.

It's definately an eye-opener, but in a good way...
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Old 10-26-2009, 08:31 AM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind?
I was pretty sure I always wanted kids but when I was yonger I thought I might only want 1.
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!)
I got pregnant with my first at 21 (in August of 2004). It was an oops but somewhat my fault for being forgetful of taking my birth control pills (I hated those things!)
3. Were you married first?
No....but I had been engaged for a year and had everything book an paid for my August 2005 wedding....everything but the dress which the lady was VERY good at judging my post pregnancy body/milk supply
4. Did the father also want kids?
Yes....we were definitely on the same page as to kids, how we wanted them to be raised etc etc...
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?
4, 2 and one more on the way. I would KIND OF like 1 more but my husband and I have the dream of being able to give our children a very comfortable life by paying for their school, helping them with cars, taking vacations once a year and not have to worry about finances, etc....we'll see if 4 is a possibility for us after we have #3
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work?
I went back to work when my maternity leave was over (1 year) for my first...after my second I decided to stay at home and work from home. I actually make more money than I do at my old job and I get the attack cleaning during the day if I have a chance which frees up my weekends completely!
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?
A lot....but in a good way for me. It would be nice to work out of the house sometimes but I don't think I would change anything about where I am right now.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?
I don't think it had changed much but if it has, its for the better. There is definitely less "couple time" for us as we don't go on "adult vacations" anymore or "dates" but instead we do family things like trips to Disney and Pajama nights and movie nights. I don't think either of us would have it any other way and the few times we DO go out without children we seems to just talk about the kids and call home to talk to them I know some people still reserve their adult time but this is what works for us
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?
I MIGHT have waited a little bit longer to start my family. A childless honeymoon would have been nice. Not to mention trying to work a full time job, finish my degree part-time and raise a baby was tough work!
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?
Having kids is a huge joy. It is the toughest thing you will ever do but I think it is the best. I love knowing that I can pass on everythign I have learned in life to another person and hope they can go even further than I did. I can not even imagine life without children now that I have them
11. What is the best thing about having kids?
Watching them grow and pride and joy they have on their face when they have learned something new. The love and cuddles they give you. Having them look up to you and have unconditional love for you. Their complete innocence. I can not name just one thing!
12. What is the worst thing about having kids?
Seeing them struggle and have to learn from their mistake. Afraid that they will make wrong choice and suffer the consequences of them. Afraid you can not give them EVERYTHING they need and want but also afraid they will not learn to be indepedent if you do give them everything they need and want. Finding that fine line is difficult! Always worrying about them!
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids?
No...and I sometimes still don't
14. Anything else?
I can't think of anything right now but even if you are unsure and a pregnancy does happen...I can almost guarantee it will be the best thing to ever happen to you!
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Old 10-26-2009, 09:16 AM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? I thought I would adopt kids, then I got pregnant.
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) Way too young, got pregnant at 17, 18 when I gave birth, next 2 were planned with my current hubby
3. Were you married first? Not with my oldest4. Did the father also want kids? first husband-Probably not, but they lie -Current husband -YES5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? 3 boys-13, 11, 6 Hell NO!!6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? with my oldest right away, stayed home for years and just went to work more than a year ago
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? I had a career as a SAHM, but now I just have a JOB
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? it has strengthened my marriage-No time for drama and bullshit
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Waited a few years
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? Don't get pregnant until you are sure, you will know it when you're ready! Be a stable individual, meaning spiritually not just financially
11. What is the best thing about having kids? the love you feel for another person, it is unlike anything you can imagine! The feeling of having your heart literally melt when you look at them
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Pre-teenage meltdowns! Second to that, is no privacy at all
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? Before having kids, I WAS other people's kids!
14. Anything else? Don't worry so much about what kind of parent you'll be. Having children really does change you for the better. Best of luck in your decision making!
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Old 10-26-2009, 01:51 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind?
Yes

2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) 30, planned

3. Were you married first? Yes, married for 4 years, together for 8

4. Did the father also want kids? Yup, he was a little more unsure if we were ready though, even at 30 and 32!

5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?
1 boy- 2 1/2, I have been contemplating this alot lately. I always thought I'd have 2, but I am starting to change my mind. I may stop at 1.

6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? 4 mos

7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?
I only work part-time, and sometimes I'd like to do more at work, but that's ok for now.

8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? This is a big one for us. It has been very hard. We had a very difficult child for the first year....some minor medical issues and very fussy baby so it put a strain on us. We also don't deal with behavior issues and normal toddler stuff well and he tends to deal even less! We argue and bicker alot! But we kind of always have in the 10 years we've been together. We still love each other and he is the best father, but I'm not going to lie... parenting is VERY hard work for us.

9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Hmm, not sure. I didn't mention in the above stuff that we have NO family around us. We live in Cali and ALL our families live on the east coast. So we have to rely 100% on babysitters and daycare which can get hard financially and makes us go out on our own less, which would prob help the relationship. I would have liked to be closer to our family if possible. It was great before kids, but it gets hard being all alone.

10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?
Think hard. I love my son to death and would NEVER change anything, but it is alot harder IMO than I expected. Emotionally and mentally mostly.

11. What is the best thing about having kids?No matter what I do, he loves me to death. I can just have given him a timeout and he still hugs me and says I love you mommy. He is the most loveable kid I have ever met! I also LOVE watching him grow up. Everyday is something new.

12. What is the worst thing about having kids? The lack of alone time. And down time. I would love to just have a day to do nothing. Sit on the couch watching 8 hours of interupted TV.

13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? Nope and still don't. Some of my friends kids are ok, but even that is pushing it!

14. Anything else?
I think the reason I am thinking of only having one, is that i didn't love the baby and toddler ages. I am reallly looking forward to school age and growing up learning sports, etc. Traveling, doing things. I just am not sure I want to start over with a baby. And the funny thing is that is my career! I am a NICU nurse so I take care of babies everyday.

Also, please don't feel bad if you don't want kids! It is so much more common now than in the past. So many of my friends and even my sister are choosing not to have kids. And they are women in their 30's married that just know it is not the life for them.
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Old 10-26-2009, 03:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hammerwoman View Post
11. What is the best thing about having kids? being needed by someone who thinks you are the shit!!
lol ^



1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind?
I was not sure. I definitely did not want to have a child as young as I was with my 1st. What changed my mind was that he knocked me up and adoption or abortion were nothing I would ever even consider.

2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!)
20 (unplanned), 24 (planned)

3. Were you married first?
First - no | Second - Yes

4. Did the father also want kids?
He already had kids and thought he was done. Our first was a surprise and he was thrilled and I was like this: After that one, he really wanted another one. It took me awhile to decide if I was ready to have another one. I finally gave in and gave him another one.

5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more?
We have four boys. Two are stepsons (12 and 11) and then two that we have together (6 and 3) eta: We are most definitely DONE now.

6. When (if at all) did you go back to work?
I actually quit working before we even had our first so that I could be home with his kids. I have been a stay at home Mom to his boys since they were very young. (He is custodial parent). Then we started having our own and I have continued to stay home. I do not plan on going back to work. It is more important to both of us, for me to be at home with them. (Something his previous wife had absolutely no interest in doing. So I will pick up the slack for her.)

7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children?
I was very young when I started having children so I had no 'career' yet. I only had a 'job'. It was a very good one. And I really miss working. I mostly miss interacting with other adults. But I do get to work from home now doing ebay sales. We don't need it, but it does bring in some extra play money and helps me feel like I actually contribute in a way other then rearing children.

8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children?
It has brought us so incredibly close. I could not imagine loving him more then I did before we had children. But as soon as we had our first little man, that overwhelming feeling of unconditional love for my child also transferred to my Husband. I see my children in his face everytime I look at him. I have gained a sense of pride by watching my Husband parent our children. I melt when I come into the room and see him reading a book to our 3 year old, or when I watch him teach the 6 year old how to ride a bike or play catch with the 11 year old, or help the 12 year old with his Math homework. I have a whole new level of respect and admiration for him, for working so hard to provide for all of us. Of course, with children it will bring new challenges. At times we have different views on raising them (rules, disciplining, chores, etc), primarily because of how different we were raised, but it teaches us a lot about comprimise and we definitely balance each other out.

9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently?
No

10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids?
Not advice, but I think you will absolutely know for sure if DO NOT want kids. So if you are just 'unsure', it just means you aren't quite ready. IMO

11. What is the best thing about having kids?
Besides all the love and hugs/kisses....Watching them learn new things. Also, seeing how they react to you when you have gone a period of time without seeing them is priceless....even if it was just an hour trip to the grocery store. That shrill of 'MOMMY!!!' followed by them running as fast as they can towards you is the most amazing feeling in the world. They are always excited to see you. Well, until they become preteens anyway. lol

12. What is the worst thing about having kids?
Not only worrying about them, but worrying about how you are raising them. If you are doing it right or if something you are doing/not doing is going to have a negative affect on the rest of their lives. We are the ones responsible for molding these little people into what they become. What a huge responsibily and it is very scary at times!

13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids?
Not really. I did babysit when I was young but only for the extra money and so I could get away from my own house. The things that other people find 'cute' about their kids are often things that annoy the hell out of me. I would say that I am easily annoyed by other people's children. I love mine to pieces though!

14. Anything else?
Maybe after I think about this some more....but it's time to go pick up kids from school. haha!
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Old 10-26-2009, 06:07 PM
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1. Did you always want kids? If no, at what age did you change your mind? Yes but I didnít think I would be so young
2. At what age did you get pregnant? (You can say if it was planned or unplanned, but no pressure!) 18 (unplanned), 20 (planned), 22(unplanned)
3. Were you married first? No, well technically I found out after I was married.
4. Did the father also want kids? Yes but I donít think he wanted them that early either
5. How many children do you have? What ages are they? Are you planning more? I have two children; one is 5 and the other 3. Iím not planning on having any more but Iím also not taking anything or practicing any effective methods to keep me from getting pregnant either.
6. When (if at all) did you go back to work? I went back to work right after having children. I was in the military with the second and third so after the 6 weeks of maternity leave was up I resumed my job.
7. How do you feel your career has been affected by having children? I donít think my career has been impacted at all.
8. How has your relationship/marriage been affected by children? I think sometimes it can cause a strain on the relationship because we donít have much alone time. There is no family in the area that can babysit for us so that we can spend quality time together.
9. If you could do it again, is there anything you would do differently? Well maybe one choice that I made, that I rather not say but I would do that all over again but as far as having my other children then no I would not do anything else differently.
10. Any advice you would give to someone who isn't sure if they want kids? Be sure that you are ready. Kids require time and they are expensive. You would have to be their provider for 18 years and some times more.
11. What is the best thing about having kids? Having someone around to make you laugh and that bear a resemblance to both you and your partner.
12. What is the worst thing about having kids? Nothing really except the cost, lol
13. Before having kids, did you like spending time with other people's kids? Absolutely until they get out of control
14. Anything else? Be prepared for any and everything
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Old 10-26-2009, 06:52 PM
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Thanks for starting this thread, Riv. I'm about to turn 30 and this topic has definitely been on my mind...a lot.
I'm in the same boat as you. I've had a miscarriage but have no children. It's SO hard to find a quality guy in todays society. I'm so worried I'll end up settling with someone who isn't right just to have at least one kid. I like hearing that some of you had/having kids after 30.
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Old 10-26-2009, 10:58 PM
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Amber, I loved reading your responses especially about it brought you and the father so close together. I teared up (that is not saying much though these days)
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Old 10-27-2009, 08:27 AM
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^ Thank you.
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