my friend's baby got down syndrome... - AuthenticForum
 
AuthenticForum
  Register FAQ Members List Arcade Search Chat Mark Forums Read  
Register

 
 

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 01:55 PM
Denim Lover
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 277
Feedback: (10)
my friend's baby got down syndrome...

As title said, I got a phone call from my friend, and her new born baby has down syndrome.
I congratulated her anyways, cause she has a son now (she has 2 years old daughter already)...but I really had no idea how to say/react to this news.

I am trying to get pregnant right now, so I am just wondeing if any of you did screening test if the baby has the genetic disorder. Do you recommend it? My friend didn't take it as there is a chance to harm the baby. (that what she said.)

And my other question is...how should I react when I see my friend and her new born at Christmas...I know it's a stupid question, but I am really nervous..
__________________
Finally got WR Savoy mockingbird...little big on me
Does anybody have these in size 22? Anybody??
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 01:59 PM
kdrew88's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Ft. Worth, TX
Posts: 3,807
Feedback: (40)
Sorry to hear this.

A couple in our church recently had a baby who has down syndrome. I just react like I would when I seen any other baby and comment on the cute outfit, or whatever stands out about that particular baby.

If it's someone you are close to then I may talk to her on a more personal level, ask her how she feels, etc. but if it's just an acquaintance then I would not, at the risk of upsetting her.
__________________
Kelly
Just listed a TON of items at Fancy Pants Ebay Store! Over 50 pairs of jeans (30-32)!
Wishlist: R&R Black Crowns, Xanex Pink Stevies, Kasandra Restriction Blue, TR Black Stitch Joeys and DUC Pink Rainbows (Sz 31)
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:00 PM
DarlinAnna's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Bawstin!
Posts: 12,018
Feedback: (97)
I believe an amnio can detect some birth defects and abnormalities. But, they are not given to everyone. I know that they are recommended for women over a certain age (I think 35). My mom was pregnant with my baby brother at 40 and she had one and was closely monitored.

As far as your friend, I would treat her and her child just the same as you would treat any other friend I grew up with specials-needs kids, have worked with them professionally, and have a friend with a child with DS, and the kids who flourish the most are those who are treated with as much love and attention as everyone else. I'm not really describing this as well as I should or can, but I think you get the point
Reply With Quote
 
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:06 PM
Dojoqueen's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 36,827
Feedback: (101)
That's a tough situation, and I'm saddened to hear your friend is facing this.

Keep in mind the following though: many children with Down Syndrome lead very productive lives. It all depends on the severity of the syndrome and how proactive the parents are in letting their son be independent.

Personally, I feel that we are given what we can handle; I'm sure your friend is devastated to hear the news, and it will take her some time to accept it. There are many useful resources out there to help her and her husband (I'm assuming this is her first?)...anyway, whatever family is involved can benefit from these resources out there. She is certainly not alone. My best advice is to just "be there" for her and congratulate her for her beautiful child. Down Syndrome children often have wonderful personalities and are incredibly loving.

Regarding testing, there are many points in a pregnancy that testing for Down Syndrome is possible. One test is before conception occurs; genetic testing for the mother/father can rule out SOME potential chromosomal abnormalities and steps can sometimes be taken to lessen the chances of these defects presenting.

The nuchal translucency test is done at 12 weeks gestation, and only involves an ultrasound and a finger prick. It's pretty accurate, and totally harmless. Another test (AFP triple screen) is offered at 15-18 weeks, and only involves a blood test; obviously harmless as well. However, this test has a much higher false-positive rate than the nuchal-translucency because gestational dates, multiple pregnancies (twins, etc.) cannot be picked up via blood only, and skews the results. This often leads to many women having unnecessary amniocenteses; their babies are normal, but the stress caused is just haunting.

The only invasive tests that may cause harm are the CVS test (chronic villi sampling), usually at about 11 weeks, and the amniocentesis which is done at about 16-18 weeks. The CVS test takes tissue from the villi attached to the umbilical cord and tests it for many chromosomal problems, and the amnio takes fluid surrounding the baby to do the same. The results take several days to weeks, and that can be daunting

There is an inherent risk of miscarriage with both (although rare). The risks versus benefit must be weighed in both cases; your age, family history, your partners age, family history...there are so many factors...

It's best to talk to your doctor about your concerns...there are many in your shoes who are scared to death of Down Syndrome and many other defects. Trust me.
__________________
you buy now
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:08 PM
Canadian Girl's Avatar
Denim Addict
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: St. Catharines, Ontario
Posts: 1,825
Feedback: (16)
I didn't have screening with my first because I was too far along but I had it done with my second. The process is harmles as they do a blood test and do a vaginal ultrasound to measure some fluid in the baby's neck. The test is done at 11-13 weeks. If you get a positive THEN you have the option to do an amniocentisis which MAY lead to miscarriage. The likely hood of getting a flase positive on the first test is VERY high though and that is what happened to me. I stressed for weeks wondering if I would love my baby all the same and wondered if I was a bad mom for risking the amnio just to satisfy my curiousity. I went ahead with it and eveyrthing was fine. My neighbour just had this test done and got a positive so she has an anmio on Wednesday. I told her not to worry and chances are her baby will be fine but since I've been her shoes, I know how she feels and no matter what is said, she will feel worried until she knows.

It was a lot of stress for me which I felt was unfair to my son so this time around I opted out of the testing only to find out that my yolk sak was large which miscarriage is almost inevitable and if you DO make it through without a miscarriage, then chromosonal disformaties ar likely to occur. So in the end I could not escpae the stress.... I asked them the size of the yolk sak (over 6mm is considered large) and mine was 6.3mm.....so I'm not a huge mess but I am still curious/worried/concerned

In regards to how to react....I guess I could see how this could be a touchy subject but if she doesn't see anything wrong with him then I don't see why people should treat him any differently. He's still a little baby who needs some lovin'
__________________
ERIN
All I Need Now:
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:09 PM
DarlinAnna's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Bawstin!
Posts: 12,018
Feedback: (97)
Dr. Shi to the rescue!! I could not have thought of a more precise and thoughtful answer than hers. Thanks, Shi
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:10 PM
Denim Lover
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 277
Feedback: (10)
True, I guess I shouldn't do anything special as I didn't do/say anything special to her first baby. (Just brought a little present, going to the birthday party and stuff.)
I will just let her know more often that I will be there for her if she needs me. I can at least babysit for her if she needs little rest.

Thank you very much for all the input!
__________________
Finally got WR Savoy mockingbird...little big on me
Does anybody have these in size 22? Anybody??

Last edited by Yummy; 10-20-2009 at 02:19 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:25 PM
hammerwoman's Avatar
Denim Goddess
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: In a VAN down by the river.
Posts: 7,218
Feedback: (97)
I agree that even though the child has DS, he still desires attention and love just as any other child would.

I just wanted to add that I believe being pregnant and having baby is a true gift. Hell it's a miracle for some of us.
__________________
I am

Last edited by hammerwoman; 10-20-2009 at 02:27 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:41 PM
nnnola's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: California
Posts: 43,462
Feedback: (202)
i think the main thing you can do for your friend is, when she's ready .. offer her support and encourage her to learn more about down syndrome, and the special needs (both medical and emotional) of her child.
also, she needs to be reminded that there was nothing she could have done to prevent it...because she's probably going to blame herself.
kids with down syndrome are extremely special in the sense that they are usually oblivious to this 'cruel' world we live in, and they are entirely welcoming to many hugs, kisses and just seemed to be filled with this special kind of love you only find in the very innocent.
i was a teachers aide for a year for special needs children.. most of them having down syndrome.. i think i fell in love with every single one of them.
very special kids.. that's for sure
treat him like you would treat any other baby
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 02:51 PM
Dojoqueen's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 36,827
Feedback: (101)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nnnola View Post
i think the main thing you can do for your friend is, when she's ready .. offer her support and encourage her to learn more about down syndrome, and the special needs (both medical and emotional) of her child.
also, she needs to be reminded that there was nothing she could have done to prevent it...because she's probably going to blame herself.
kids with down syndrome are extremely special in the sense that they are usually oblivious to this 'cruel' world we live in, and they are entirely welcoming to many hugs, kisses and just seemed to be filled with this special kind of love you only find in the very innocent.
i was a teachers aide for a year for special needs children.. most of them having down syndrome.. i think i fell in love with every single one of them.
very special kids.. that's for sure
treat him like you would treat any other baby
WERD. One of my BFF's growing up had Down Syndrome. I loved his innocence; so genuine.
__________________
you buy now
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-20-2009, 03:11 PM
remonb's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: NC
Posts: 8,050
Feedback: (63)
If you feel the need to do some testing to feel better, then I think you should do that. It will at least provide you with some comfort in knowing whether your child has the potential to be born with an abnormality or not and it gives you a chance to prepare if so.

Regarding your friend, as others have said, I would treat the child the same way you would treat any other child w/o special needs. My daughter was born with cerebral palsy and I do not like it when people treat her different from a child w/o special needs. The only difference is that one might require more assistance or have more challenges/obstacles than the other child. With older special needs children some can sense when they're being treated different. I think it's important for each child to be treated with love regardless of what their medical condition or diagnosis is. I would take the time to learn more about the diagnosis, just because a child is labeled with a condition does not mean it will or has to affect their life, imo it's just a medical term
__________________
Dandrea
Click here to see my items listed by **fancy**pants**. She can offer a discounted price if sold through AF. Just send her a PM.
I want a cheap pair of WR Lisa Dark Handsand or Gardenia, size 29
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2009, 06:06 PM
Minnow's Avatar
Denim Lover
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: GA
Posts: 292
Feedback: (9)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dojoqueen View Post
The nuchal translucency test is done at 12 weeks gestation, and only involves an ultrasound and a finger prick. It's pretty accurate, and totally harmless. Another test (AFP triple screen) is offered at 15-18 weeks, and only involves a blood test; obviously harmless as well. However, this test has a much higher false-positive rate than the nuchal-translucency because gestational dates, multiple pregnancies (twins, etc.) cannot be picked up via blood only, and skews the results. This often leads to many women having unnecessary amniocenteses; their babies are normal, but the stress caused is just haunting.
I have a friend who had a false positive on the triple screen (this was some years ago now). Very stressful.
__________________
Not quite banned, but probably should be...
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2009, 06:26 PM
wakerider30's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Colorado
Posts: 7,162
Feedback: (120)
I worked with adults with mental disabilities in college & helped with the Special Olympics as well. In my opinion they have the sweetest, most purest spirits you will find. I feel that they are the are indeed "special" and not in the derogatory sense at all. It is definitely a challenge for the caretakers, but one that will not be rewarded. I agree with everyone else that you should always treat them the same as any other baby. I totally understand your concern for your friend & for yourself in your desire to be pregnant though. It's nice to see a friend care so much to even wonder how she is feeling!

ETA: I opted out for the triple screen all 3 times. I feel that if that is my challenge in life, then I will deal accordingly when the time comes.
ETA #2: Nola. Perfect.
__________________
***AddisonLane Boutique on FB!***
http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Add...17820881580301
Or Etsy! http://www.etsy.com/your/listings

Last edited by wakerider30; 10-29-2009 at 06:28 PM.
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-29-2009, 09:17 PM
ilovecaseyandcoach's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Eureka, CA (6 hours north of san fran...where we have no stores)
Posts: 3,518
Feedback: (8)
Quote:
Originally Posted by wakerider30 View Post
I worked with adults with mental disabilities in college & helped with the Special Olympics as well. In my opinion they have the sweetest, most purest spirits you will find. I feel that they are the are indeed "special" and not in the derogatory sense at all. It is definitely a challenge for the caretakers, but one that will not be rewarded. I agree with everyone else that you should always treat them the same as any other baby. I totally understand your concern for your friend & for yourself in your desire to be pregnant though. It's nice to see a friend care so much to even wonder how she is feeling!

ETA: I opted out for the triple screen all 3 times. I feel that if that is my challenge in life, then I will deal accordingly when the time comes.
ETA #2: Nola. Perfect.
I agree.

I also opted out.
__________________
facebook
blog I need maternity jeans. Size 29 and 30 please.
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2009, 07:09 AM
Dojoqueen's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 36,827
Feedback: (101)
I had the triple screen with my first two (luckily no false-positives)...

I did have the nuchal translucency with #6 as well. I opted out of everything else.
__________________
you buy now
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-30-2009, 07:20 AM
OMG SUPERSTAR
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 7,235
Feedback: (55)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yummy View Post
True, I guess I shouldn't do anything special as I didn't do/say anything special to her first baby. (Just brought a little present, going to the birthday party and stuff.)
I will just let her know more often that I will be there for her if she needs me. I can at least babysit for her if she needs little rest.

Thank you very much for all the input!
I think this is a wonderful thing you can offer your friend.
As a mother with a child that has a genetic disorder, someone being there for me when i need it is worth (to me) more then gifts.

As far as testing goes, if it makes you feel better, go for it.
I opted out both times for the same reason as wakerider.
Although, my sons condition would have not shown even if i did take the test.

Also, U Nola.
__________________

Last edited by LiLi0623; 10-30-2009 at 07:24 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:18 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70