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Old 09-02-2008, 11:28 AM
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Funny/Outrageous/ALL Birth Stories...post 'em here!

A few of us thought it might be fun to post funny stories surrounding our deliveries. We all know labor and childbirth hurts, but often there is something witty, funny, and memorable that happens before, during, or after our precious children are born!

Please, no negative comments in this thread; if you are uncomfortable reading about labor, childbirth, etc., please...just don't read this thread; this is a fun and uplifting thread. If you have not had children yet, feel free to add a story you have heard; maybe your OWN birth had its moments!
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Old 09-02-2008, 11:34 AM
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I foresee some good DQ birth stories in our future

My mom told me a story about my own birth...they had her in the hospital a week beforehand because they thought her preeclampsia was really hepatitis and finally they decided they would have to induce her. Pitocin did nothing so the OBGYN used her huge long artificial nail to break the water! My mom saw the nails and screamed to the doc to keep the nails away from her crotch! So she made someone else stitch her up afterward. lolol
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Old 09-02-2008, 11:50 AM
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LOL, PC, I can just hear your mom! I can't believe she used her NAIL! that's just WRONG!

OK, I'll start.

With my first pregnancy, I had no idea what I was in for in terms of labor. My sister had a long labor, my friends all had long labors, so I just figured I would have a long labor too. Well, when my contractions started, they STARTED! No build-up, no warning...just 2 minutes apart and very painful. Something told me to call and go in sooner rather than later, and I was glad I did; I delivered my first daughter exactly 1 hour, 43 minutes after my first contraction! One push and she was out! The doctor told me to put a bucket in my car for the rest of my babies...lol.

Well, each labor got progressively faster; the second labor was about the same as the first, the third was 1 hour, 30 minutes, the fourth was 1 hour, 25 minutes, and the fifth was about 50 minutes...I got to the hospital and was complete; she was born 5 minutes after I arrived.

We all know that #6 was born in the car, but I have never told the full story, so here it is. I knew to be prepared for a fast labor, (duh), but I tried my best to look for signs, any signs...I guess the loss of the mucous plug was a sign (although I'm told it's not)...for me it is!

So, Sunday, August 10 (2 days after my LATEST due date) started like any other day. The kids, "K", and I were going about our daily routine; summer activities, running around, putting my 2-year-old down for her nap...We were going on daily walks, hoping SOMETHING would happen, but so far nothing. As always, around 7:00 p.m., the kids and I went for our walk. We stopped at our neighbor's house (my daughter's friend) and chatted for about 15 minutes; we are now at 7:25, and heading back home. Still nothing. I actually got on AF and read Nola's posts wondering if I had gone into labor yet and replied that I had not. I got a phone call from my friend and talked to her for a moment. "K" and my oldest and 4th daughter went to the store, and I went and got my dinner. I ate, went and put some laundry away, and got my first contraction...a doozy; it was now 8:05 p.m. I called my hubby and told him to get his butt home, I now had another contraction, and it was only 1.5 minutes after the first. He was home in 8 minutes. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law and her hubby stopped by; I told him that if "K" wasn't home in 30 seconds, HE would have to take me to the hospital. Just then, "K" came home, and we left; it was now 8:25 p.m.

K drove as fast as he could, but my contractions were just on top of each other; the pressure was unbearable, and I knew we were in trouble. I text-messaged nola and cat, one-word texts, "hospital",

One block away from the hospital, I felt a huge amount of pressure, then "POP", my water broke. When my water breaks, the head immediately follows; this has been the case 5 (now 6) times. There is no time. K pulls into the hospital parking lot, right outside the ER entrance, and my baby is now delivered to the forehead. He runs inside, gets the security guard who globally announces for help; the ER nurse comes flying out...Emaan is now delivered, by ME, to the shoulders. I'm literally HOLDING my own baby in the front seat of my van...I somehow knew to check for meconium in the water, apply counterpressure to her head, and check for the umbilical cord around the neck. All CLEAR, thank God! The ER nurse came to the car, NO GLOVES, only a suction thingy...and literally caught the rest of Emaan. My husband gave the nurse his shirt to cover the baby; they came with no blankets either. By now there was quite an audience; the global announcement surely draws attention. With Emaan still attached, we went to the ER and there they cut the cord and made sure Emaan and I were OK; she was crying loudly even when she was being delivered, so we knew all was well. Time of delivery: 8:42 p.m.

I then went to the mother/baby unit; my OB, the nurses and I all had a good chuckle. Emaan was weighed and measured... as told before, she was 7 pounds, 11 ounces, and most importantly, HEALTHY! I was supposed to be induced the following Tuesday, but just like always, my babies don't take well to threats! K and I knew this was bound to happen with one of them; it was just a matter of which one. While we were all having a chuckly, my poor husband was dreading what to do with our brand new car; a good detailing just didn't sound like enough! (It was though...no traces left)

I know this was long, but damn, I do have 6 kids! I think it took me longer to type this out than it did to deliver all of them!

P.S. For obvious reasons, I have NEVER received ANY pain relief with ANY of them...I'm still awaiting my epidural.
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Old 09-02-2008, 11:59 AM
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Oh man, Shireen, you are my hero!!!

I have a fat head and got stuck And since I was born in primitive China oh-so-many year ago, I had to be pulled out with metal forceps. My mother will never let me live that down
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Old 09-02-2008, 12:31 PM
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Shi..did you send a bill to the hospital yet? since you did their job?

okay.. i'll do Zachary's first.. it's very funny ... kinda sorta.
gimme a few to write it up!

there are some pretty funny parts about Rickys birth too..but it was almost 18 years ago and i'm sure i've forgotten a lot of it
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Old 09-02-2008, 12:38 PM
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^ I got billed for the whole delivery by my OB!!

I can't wait to read your stories, nola!
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Old 09-02-2008, 12:40 PM
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Shi, thanks for sharing the whole story. That is AMAZING. I thought mine were fast.

My story for my first is kinda funny. Like you Shi, losing the mucus plug is the sign for me. When I lost mine there was quite a bit of bloody show so I called my midwife just to be sure everything was ok. This was about 9:30am, on the morning of my ACTUAL due date. I called my SO to tell him that I was going in and he said he would come home from work and take me. I assured him that I could take myself seeing how we lived less then 1 block away from the Hospital at the time. I wasn't feeling any pain or contractions so I took my sweet time getting there. I finished my breakfast, showered & shaved (God forbid I wasn't clean shaven down there since someone was going to be looking at it ) and then drove myself on over. I contemplated walking since the hospital was REALLY close but then I knew i needed to go to the Grocery Store afterwards so I went ahead and drove.

I got there about 11:30am and I was just in a great mood. I had NO idea I would be having a baby that day. The nurse proceeded to check me out and couldn't believe what she was feeling. She said I was 7-8cm dilated! I wasn't feeling contractions AT ALL. I called my SO to tell him that we were apparently having a baby and to get to the Hosipital when he could (although I was in disbelief since it didn't FEEL like I was about to have a baby). The nurses went ahead and started setting up the Hot Tub for my water birth. It was now about Noon.

I started feeling contractions shortly after my Midwife and SO showed up at about 12:30pm (although very faint) and went ahead and got in the Hot Tub to relax. At this point I was still prepared for a 14 hour labor and figured I would start to get as comfy as possible for it. Then I felt a REAL one. Man, that hurt. I had about 3 like that and all the sudden, I knew I needed to push. A couple pushes later (at 1:21pm), there was our first little boy....swimming through that hot tub.

So from start to finish after losing my mucus plug it was just about 4 hours. But really, from first contraction to to delivery was about an hour.
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Old 09-02-2008, 12:50 PM
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For the 2nd one, it went just as quick although I had to get induced because he was 2 weeks late. It was a total of 2 hours from the time they induced me until Delivery. Again, I didn't feel anything for the first while. I was actually on my computer doing updates via my Myspace blog during labor. lol.

I started feeling contractions about 30 minutes before delivery which is when they broke my water. About 20 minutes before I delivered I told the nurses to call my OB and tell him to get his ass down there because baby was coming. 5 minutes before I delivered I told the nurse to get ready and that I needed to start pushing. 2 minutes before I delivered, my OB walked in (no scrubs on....still in his shirt and tie). He threw on a pair of gloves, I gave it one push, and there was baby boy #2. I joked with him afterwards about how easy that $$$ was. lol.

I also had no meds with my deliveries.
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Old 09-02-2008, 01:29 PM
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I don't think I can top DojoQueen and giving birth in my new car, but here's my entertaining little story:

It was my first (and only) pregnancy and I was pregnant with twins. I had no idea what to expect, except that they may be born early. Their due date was January 16th, so I was thinking maybe new years eve.

2 days before Christmas, I was have trouble getting to sleep, I just couldn’t get comfortable – my back was sore and I was tossing and turning So, I thought maybe a little walking workout on the treadmill would help me out (yes, 9 months pregnant with twins, I’m walking on the treadmill). So I walked for 20 minutes and tried to go to sleep again. Still kinda sore.

So finally I woke my husband up and said we should go to the hospital, I just felt weird. So we went the hospital and they hooked me up to the monitors and the nurse asked – so how long have you been having these contractions – they are like 6 minutes apart!! CONTRACTIONS? Haha..I thought my back was just sore!

A few hours later they were wheeling me in for my C-Section (both babies were stuck transverse). I got my epidural and yikes it didn’t work! The doctor started poking me and said can you feel this? I was screaming hell yes, it feels like you are poking me with a needle! And in fact we was! Chaos ensued, they tilted the table upside down to get the meds to my head, but that didn’t work either. Then I just remember them pumping me full of other stuff and I don’t remember much else – I was high as a kite!
I do remember the babies first cries and me asking – are they mine, they sound like squealing little piglets!
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Old 09-02-2008, 01:37 PM
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okay.. Zachary was born on a Thursday, March 1st 2001

so, it's wednesday night and like every other night for the past week, every time i walked by Jim, i'd say "i think i'm in labor' .... just messing with him.
keep in mind that my original due date was March 23, then it was moved up to March 17th.
so...it's the last day of february. m'kay.
oh... and wednesday morning, i hear a package being dropped off at my doorstep. i go retrieve it-- it's a can of Baby Formula from a baby magazine. co-ink-a-dink? i think NOT!
anyhow.. like i said.. i'm teasing Jim that i'm in labor--and he just sorta rolls it off ..why not? i'm not due until the 17th.
well.... it's bedtime. i get Ricky to bed, he's 10 or 11, i can't remember.. i'm already old and pregnant, WTF? .......and then, Jim goes to bed. i couldn't sleep. i was feeling too restless.
so........it's about 10:30 and me thinks i don't like how i feel. i'm getting these sharp pains, not even 3 minutes apart--so then all the sudden i think "Hmmmm." could it be? "Nahhh!"
so..i'm restless, still getting these LABOR PAINS!
it's about 1:00 a.m. now, and i have an urge to take a bath.
so, me takes a bath, really quietly...as to not upset the sleeping guys.
but my pain started increasing..and all the sudden, i went ......... ................. OMFG! i think i'm actually in labor. (plus, i noticed a little pinkish floaty thing in the tub! )they were now 2 minutes apart..i was timing them in the bathtub using Rickys old Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle watch/stop watch type thing!
so...... i carefully get out of the bath-tub! my water could have broke in there.. what was i thinking?!
i got dressed ...... oh, and while i was in the bath..i was thinking to myself.. just in case i'm in labor, i'm gonna shave and be all smooth. LOL!
well, i got dressed and realized..... Yep, i'm in labor.. i mean, i was in excruciating pain. i should have been getting an epidural at this point..but i don't want to talk about that!
i wake up Jim, and tell him that i'm pretty darn sure it's time.
then, i went into Ricky room and gently woke him up- told him it's time to go to the hospital. we had to take him...there was no time to get someone to stay with him or take him somewhere.
Ricky immediately starting CRYING!! ....... crying out ... "you're gonna leave me here all alone? how am i gonna get to school?"
i told him.. No Silly, you're coming, let's go.

so....we leave for the hospital.. i didn't even call my Doc. no time.
we get to the hospital-contractions are probably a minute apart and very painful..like there's an alien in there with an ax, beating away!
of course..on the way there.. Jim ran over every possible bump in the road....and came to very quick abrupt stops at every light..... what a noob!

JIM PARKS IN A PARKING LOT THAT'S OVER A FOOTBALL FIELD AWAY FROM THE NEAREST DOOR!
so.. i get out, and walk. if that's what you want to call it.
for every 5 steps i'd take, i'd get a contraction and i was down on my knees.
Ricky's looking at me.. saying "MOM! c'mon, hurry up!"
so, finally we get in the hospital and i tell the lady at the desk (it's about 2:30 now) that i'm having a baby.
she looks up my info..and says.. "oh no, it's too early"
she gets me a wheelchair anyways and gets me up into a room to be examined.
please note that i never got out of my street clothes.. not even when giving birth.
SO! i'm up there. Jim and Ricky are waiting outside the room while i get examined.
the nurse looks in 'there's and responds with "Oh Shit." (not kidding here)
i immediately get a huge frown and say "Urmm, what?"
she gets a little panicky and tells me that i'm having the baby..... LIKE DUH!
but wait! then she says there's no doctors available? WHAT??????????
she gets ahold of the doctor on call......... I SWEAR! 9 months of being naked in front of my obgyn was embarrassing enough..but then they bring in this good looking YOUNG male doctor.. i'm so embarrassed!

meantime...... Jim comes in and tell him that it's definitely time, and once again..i get no epidural.
he says he and ricky will be right back. he needs to get his cell phone out of the car...he hadn't had time to call anyone yet.
(during this time, the nurse breaks my water) ... oh, what a relief it is.....but that's when the REAL pain starts!

well.. turns out they get locked out of the hospital.. they're running around outside, trying to find a way in.. the hospital sprinklers turn on, ON THEM!
they finally make their way into the hospital soaking wet, with grass and fresh dirt all over their feet!
no one is here yet to be with Ricky!
finally..with no time to lose, my niece Debbie (only a year younger than me) shows up.

Jim's now in the delivery room with me, trying really hard to console me..since i get no drugs.
ya know.. i was 36 that day.. i totally earned an epidural- dont'cha think?
it's time to push..and i say to Jim.. "Please don't look when he comes out..it's gross."
what does he do....... he looks of course. so, i was watching Jim watch Zachary being born. yay! what fun!
Zachary's right hand was stuck to his head.. yeah.. felt really nice! RIIIPPPPPPPP!
so... when his head came out.. (i never cried or screamed)...... said ...."Ouuuuch".
well, for some reason, Ricky thought that was his que to come on in!
i see his Vans under the curtain..and i said "Hey.... that's my son coming in here...get him out!)
so.. my Debbie retrieves him real quick.

a few seconds later-at 3:34 am, Zachary is born.. weighing 5 lbs. 4 oz.
Ricky runs in immediately... pretty much at the same time i'm pushing out the afterbirth
Le Sigh.... he wanted to touch it.. and HE DID! GROSSSSSSSSSSSSS!
then, Ricky stood by the nurse as she checked out his new little brother.
ricky brought along one of those laser lights and was pointing it at Zachary's thingy!
neither Jim or myself ever got out of our street clothes!

i left the hospital the same day.
anyway.. i'm sure i'm forgetting some parts.. but here they are/were..just hours afterwards.

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Old 09-02-2008, 02:17 PM
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LOL, Nola!!! I can just see you taking a super long bath while in labor! . Hilarious story, and only you can tell it so detailed. . I love your story, and that picture is priceless!

I have rarely been able to get out of my street clothes either.
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Old 09-02-2008, 02:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dojoqueen View Post
LOL, Nola!!! I can just see you taking a super long bath while in labor! . Hilarious story, and only you can tell it so detailed. . I love your story, and that picture is priceless!

I have rarely been able to get out of my street clothes either.
wanna hear something even more funny?
i was looking for that pic is Kid Zone..and where it should have been, there was the pic of me in my MUC Midnights!
i don't know what happened. i deleted it, and another one that was quoted.
but it's so funny. i said here's my boys .. and there was my butt!
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Old 09-02-2008, 02:45 PM
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Nola, what about your oldest?
Was he as fast?
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Old 09-02-2008, 02:55 PM
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Quote:
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Nola, what about your oldest?
Was he as fast?
there's a funny story with Ricky too.. maybe i'll tell that story later.
we arrived at the hospital around 8 a.m. to have Ricky..and he was born at 12:35 p.m. i totally remember that All My Children was on and i was using it as my Focal Point, and that biotch turned off the t.v.
no epidural there either.
i was home by 8:30 that night.
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Old 09-02-2008, 03:35 PM
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Oh come on, we love your way of telling stories!
Do tell.
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Old 09-02-2008, 03:41 PM
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omg.. it was so long ago.
i'll try to remember most of the details..but my brain is pretty fried.
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Old 09-02-2008, 03:44 PM
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Nola you crack me up!!!

Probably the craziest part about the birth of my daughter was trying to get to the hospital in Greenwich, CT we had to take the Merritt parkway (if anyone is familiar with the monstrosity that I can be!). Of course, they had it from 2 lanes down to 1 The contraction pains were so bad that my husband was freaking and went through the orange cones along the other side. There wasn't ANY construction going on, so we sailed by the lane of completely stopped traffic...............until we were stopped by a cop. He proceeded to take one look at me and passed us through asking us if we needed an ambulance or police escort. We didn't, and we made it in plenty of time....The rest was fairly normal...though it did take 2 hours to push her out and they needed to use the vacuum for her gargantuan head.
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Old 09-02-2008, 03:56 PM
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There is nothing very funny, or outrageous about my story, but I will post it anyway, as I consider that to be one of the most important days in my life.

My son was born 2 ˝ weeks early.
I had been to the OB two days before and she told me I was 1cm dilated but the baby was still high, and she thought there was no way he was going to come early.
Sure enough two days later I felt some contractions at 4 am, and immediately lost my mucous plug and my water broke. Anyway, since I was not in pain and the contraction were not regular my doctor’s nurse told us to stay put. We got to the hospital around 11, and I started walking up and down the hallways with the IVs trying to speed things up. At this point I was 3 1/2 cm dilated, which is where I stayed for the next 4 hours. The contractions were very painful, and 2-3 minutes apart during these 4hrs, and I had back labor, which is a bitch! They thought I had another amniotic bag, and that was why I was not dilating. Well anyway, I wanted to go naturally, but I this point the contractions are really painful, and my doctor said I needed to have Pitocin and antibiotics since my water had broken over 10 hours ago. Plus, they told me they were going to have to try to rupture the second amniotic bag, and the labor was really going to pick up after that. Are you kidding me???

I asked for the Epidural, but the anesthesiologist was in surgery, so I was going to have to wait 30 min (!!!!). At that point all I could think was - that's another 10 contractions! They gave me Nubain and it knocked me off my feet. I could not breathe, I rolled the eyes in the back of my head, and I don't remember much of the next few hours. Finally the anesthesiologist comes in, he can't give the Epidural, because I cannot sit, so he says he was going to come back in 20 min. At this point I remember mumbling that I will hang on to the wall with my teeth if I had to, just give me the damn Epidural.

I dilated from 3 1/2 to fully in 4 hours, the doctor came in and Luca was born at 8:45 after 45 min of pushing. They had to readjust the Epidural because it was only working on one side, but I did not feel anything when he came out. His head was in the bottom 20% so that helped some.
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Old 09-02-2008, 04:29 PM
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oh.,. i forgot to mention that the little time i was in the hospital.. we still hadn't bought a rocking chair.. and i told Jim that there'd better be one when i got home.
so... he left for a few hours.. but before he left, he had the nurse take Zacharys foot and press it on the ink pad and then transfer it on to his arm.
he walked into The House of Maple & Oak and said.. "Lookie here.. i just had a baby and i need a rocking chair!"

oh.. i was was super picky too.. (i still am) .. Jim was so paranoid about which Rocker to bring home...i'm surprised he didn't bring home all of them!
so, i got the Mother of all Rockers.
it swivels, it rocks, it spins in a complete 360
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:27 PM
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I love these stories... I can't wait to add mine!
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Old 09-02-2008, 05:34 PM
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Ricky was born on December 7th........ nuff said!
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Old 09-02-2008, 06:54 PM
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no interseting stories for me but........

our son Rand was born on September 9, 1999 (9-9-99)
our first daughter Talen was born on March 3, 2003 (3-3-03)

we were trying to shoot for (7-7-07) for our third, but started too early
our daughter Terah was born on October 23, 2006 (good thing it wasn't 6-6-06 )
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Old 09-02-2008, 07:04 PM
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I love everyone's stories, some of it is not so funny though OUCH!!!!!
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Old 09-02-2008, 07:34 PM
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I bit my mom because she was trying to give me ice. I didn't want it and I couldn't figure out another way to get the messsage across. The delivery room was crowded too.

When I was done delivering someone went and told my dad the baby was born and he came in the room too early. He walked right out but apparently too late because someone had to catch him in the corridor right before he fainted. He ended up in a bed across the hall from where I was for a few minutes. lol

This was all after not sleeping all night because I was in some pain and getting up to pee every half hour or so. I had no idea I was in labour. I didn't think so because I had at least 3 weeks left before my due date. We couldn't locate the doctor. He was spending the weekend out of town and was about 2.5 hrs away. There was a thunderstorm and it took him long to get to the hospital. I didn't hear any lightning or thunder, actually I don't even think I knew it was raining.

Forgot to add. I started having faint contractions that I thought were bh at 11pm and josh was born 3:38 the following afternoon.

Last edited by geebs; 09-02-2008 at 07:37 PM.
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Old 09-02-2008, 08:07 PM
kate425's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: CT
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meg, the merrit is a PITA. i can't believe you had to go down that one!

and i love these stories. even though all the other threads have pretty much
scared me to death about having babies!!!
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