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Old 02-28-2009, 03:00 AM
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I was wondering if anyone else still has parent issues as an adult. I'm kind of pissed off at my Mom right now. I'm 38 years old, comfortable with myself, happy and healthy. Then my Mom....I used to be over weight and she always said I need to lose weight....I lost a lot of weight through diet and exercise, now I'm too thin....I sent her a picture yesterday just to say Hi because I was thinking about her, she criticized my hair. My mom and I have a good relationship and talk all the time, but she really hurts my feelings critiquing how I look. Do you ever grow out of wanting your parents to accept you, or am I doomed to be criticized no matter what I do?
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Old 02-28-2009, 08:02 AM
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it's not you, it's her. My mom is kinda the same way--teases me about my weight if I ever gain any, though she's been obese for most of her life! I'm a little bit of a jackass though so I pretty much hit her right back about her weight or maybe her nose (she had an "ethnic" nose and got a nose job a few years back)...probably not the best solution but that's what I do
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Old 02-28-2009, 08:51 AM
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it is your mom, imo. however, you're both adults and should be able to handle this in an adult fashion. perhaps your mother doesn't realized that she's always being critical or maybe she thinks she's being helpful. there's no point speculating. you should just address the problem with her. tell her it makes you feel bad, unaccepted and whatever other applicable feelings there are. if you have a good relationship with her anyways this should be pretty easy to do. good luck and hopefully a better relationship can come from it!!
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Old 02-28-2009, 09:26 PM
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Thanks for the advice. I will confront her, I'm sure she's not trying to hurt my feelings. By letting her know she'll probobly stop
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Old 02-28-2009, 10:23 PM
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It may or may not. My mother does stuff like that all the time. I just smile and pretend to take her advice, its not worth it to fight to me, we have and I somehow always lose.

But, as said before, talk to her about it.
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Old 03-03-2009, 05:54 PM
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My grandmother was like this with my mom all her life. Finally, after 48 years (well about 10 years ago at this point) my mom learned to forgive her. She rebelled against her for years regarding the weight issue, cleaning the house, keeping things organized, etc. My mom got too skinny in her youth and 20s and my grandma even criticized her then. It was always my grandma's issue...but it's important to confront it and talk it through with her or with a therapist. My mom transferred some of those issues onto me and I am ok with it now, but I think if my mom sought counseling earlier on she would have been able to remove those demons and move on with her life faster!

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Old 03-04-2009, 09:50 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pianochica View Post
it's not you, it's her. My mom is kinda the same way--teases me about my weight if I ever gain any, though she's been obese for most of her life! I'm a little bit of a jackass though so I pretty much hit her right back about her weight or maybe her nose (she had an "ethnic" nose and got a nose job a few years back)...probably not the best solution but that's what I do
"ethnic" nose....

i just wasn't prepared and i snorted out loud....
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Old 03-14-2009, 11:27 AM
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How hurtful I'm sure! There appears to be a pattern that moms/daughters can fall into in regards to how they communicate. If you relationship is strong - I would suggest responding with something that helps your mom analyze her comment - she may not even be aware of her communication style. Maybe a response of "Mom, do you REALLY think that?" Best wishes as you work through this...and no, I don't think we ever stop needing the approval of our parents - it seems to be born into us - so, you are very NORMAL!
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