Freaking out! - AuthenticForum
 
AuthenticForum
  Register FAQ Members List Arcade Search Chat Mark Forums Read  
Register

 
 

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 11:38 AM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
Freaking out!

EDIT! (I deleted my post because i was irrational and scared!) In summary..i was eating a lot of something that was supposed to be 0 kcals only to realize the company had an announcement that infact it was another amount and basically id been eating an extra 600+ kcals a day without realizing it! I started eating this product a less than a week ago and had gained 3 pounds in a couple days when i have had so much trouble gaining and so i was shocked! I know i need to gain but i like to control it healthily.. Anyways! Im glad i know what the cause was and that i dont need to feel like i have to cut back on my intake (which, in all honmesty is still lacking)

I am slowly learning a lesson and i appreciate the reality shock! Grr to 0kcal 'free' food! FREE food is BAD food!

This is a good thing!

<3 -xoxox-

Last edited by Hipslikemonroe; 10-09-2008 at 12:33 PM.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 11:44 AM
kate425's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: CT
Posts: 5,632
Feedback: (55)
sweetie, you need the weight - think of it as a kick start!
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 12:34 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
^^Thankyou darlin'.. Im happy i know what was causing it (and all my issues with BP and pulse) So dangerous! Bloody products that LIE! psshh! FDA rules, my ass!
Reply With Quote
 
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 12:35 PM
Denim God
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Kansas
Posts: 6,721
Feedback: (52)
Weight fluctuates a lot throughout the day so 3 pounds is completely normal.
The flavored foam has only 350 calories per can, so this is not something that will lead to significant weight gain just by eating a can a day for a week, especially since you already seem very careful about what you eat.
You say you want to be "in control" of gaining the weight, but it seems like any gain in weight makes you feel out of control. Maybe this is a sign that the extra cals are doing you good.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 12:38 PM
dmbfiredancer's Avatar
Jean Junkie
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 2,073
Feedback: (11)
I'm glad you figured it out, but I'm also glad you were getting some extra calories. It's awesome that you're trying to gain weight - I saw your pic in the platinum thread, and while your face is gorgeous, you'd look amazing with some more weight on you. Good luck, Zee! Hopefully you can keep going in the right direction and put some more weight back on.
__________________
*Lisa*
Do want: Frye Veronica Slouch in Dark Brown, Sapphire or Cranberry in a 6.5, preferably cheap.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 12:43 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
^^Thankyou! Made me smile <3

I was proud of myself gaining from 102 to 105 and was trying to stick to 105 until i could build the courage to take another leap but when i woke up at 107/108 i felt crazy because id changed nothing in my diet and it just did not make sense as id been 105 for a while..

As for 350 a can..i think its more than that for sure.. I used to eat the soywhip which was 10 kcals a serving and 30 servings (300kcals) and the can was like half the size! So.. I just dont know!

either way. Im glad i am handling the gain well, just like to know that it is because of a healthy intake.. I know no matter what i will struggle with any gain but knowing it was so sudden with no extra effort is really scary for me. This week i actually was taking it easy because of some extra sttress in the family so it really was a big shock considering.

Also, i never really fluctuate and if i do, typically its downwards so to fluctuate 3 pounds up up up was definitely a shock!

Thankyou for your comforting words.. I know im silly.. Im workin' on it ;) xoxox
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 01:47 PM
hammerwoman's Avatar
Denim Goddess
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: In a VAN down by the river.
Posts: 7,218
Feedback: (97)
Zee how tall are you?
Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 01:59 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
5'8..Was 5'9 a few years ago but i shrunk somehow!
Reply With Quote
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 02:02 PM
hammerwoman's Avatar
Denim Goddess
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: In a VAN down by the river.
Posts: 7,218
Feedback: (97)
Shrinkage sucks

I know it is hard but you are doing a great job!!!
Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 02:07 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
Aww thankyou, that was sweet of you. Im really trying! I am a lot stronger and better at dealing with the anxiety..lolcats helps ;) hehehe! xoxox
Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 02:12 PM
jessani's Avatar
Denim Goddess
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 7,927
Feedback: (119)
I shrunk too because of my anorexia...I was 5'4 when I graduated high school and I'm barely 5'3 now!
And I had a similar freakout about the 0 kal cooking spray a few years ago, so I can relate.
Keep it up...recovery is worth it, and I honestly don't think I could think clearly until I finally achieved physical recovery (weight restoration) as well as recovery from most symptoms. It's not easy, but with time you will find you are more fully alive as a recovered, whole person.
Reply With Quote
  #12 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 02:24 PM
jamiej's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Near 2 Nordstrom Racks, N. CA
Posts: 7,576
Feedback: (137)
Zee, do you feel better since you gained a few pounds? Really 102 scares me at your height. I thought you were 109? You will be ok, we love you for you, not your weight.

Edit-What is it that you were eating?
__________________
SELLING:BNWT TRUE RELIGION BECKY PURPLE SUPER T'S in Vera Cruz size 27 (tts) $169 US
Reply With Quote
  #13 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 05:48 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
^^Hey love! I do not feel noticably better but really that is because this month has been really trying for me because i am facing a shit load of fears and im exhausted! I am also trying to get my weight back up, slowly.. I was 109 when we last spoke but i increased my intake and lost weight because of my metabolism.. 102 is so stupid and i hate that i let myself fall to that but regardless, i am trying to gain and have done a little by little.. I just have to make sure its slow for a variety of reasons (refeeding syndrome has landed me in hospital again and again) and gaining 3 pounds in a few days not only caused my BP to plummet but also was a shock and was abnormal for me so i was freaking out about why.. I was worried id have to restrict more and i knew that would be taking a step back and i was hoping i could find the reason for the gain to be something OTHER than my usual intake..

Crazy how some 23s are baggy on me, i can hardly wear Frankie B anymore and yet i still think i look chunky. This disorder is horrific and blind faith is the only thing i can latch onto to help me through it. xoxox

Edit: I was eating this cappichino foam that was all natural, fat free and 'o kcals..(which turns out it was not!)
Reply With Quote
  #14 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 05:50 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
Jessani, your my inspiration. I love your strength. You are amazing.. xx
Reply With Quote
  #15 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 05:52 PM
jamiej's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Near 2 Nordstrom Racks, N. CA
Posts: 7,576
Feedback: (137)
Zee, Keep strong. That is what will keep you going. Never give up on yourself
__________________
SELLING:BNWT TRUE RELIGION BECKY PURPLE SUPER T'S in Vera Cruz size 27 (tts) $169 US
Reply With Quote
  #16 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 06:25 PM
Denim God
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Kansas
Posts: 6,721
Feedback: (52)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hipslikemonroe View Post
^^Thankyou! Made me smile <3



As for 350 a can..i think its more than that for sure.. I used to eat the soywhip which was 10 kcals a serving and 30 servings (300kcals) and the can was like half the size! So.. I just dont know!
I went to the company website (this stuff sounds good and I've never heard of it before and they claim there are 14 one ounce servings per can and 25 cals per ounce for the flavored varieties/12 cals per ounce for the plain.

I hope you are still able to enjoy this stuff, its good to give yourself a treat even if you don't eat the entire can at once.
Reply With Quote
  #17 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 07:00 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
^^I had 6 cans in my fridge and decided to hand them over to the clinic my husband works at to give them to his employees as gifts because i was using the foam to replace anything id eat when craving something sweet. It is definitely good to treat myself and i am practising that but also, it is also good to call my self out when i use 'food' for food avoidance I still have a few treats, but its good for me to find food that i both, enjoy and that is nutritious I like my dannon yogurt with live cultures ;)
Reply With Quote
  #18 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 07:02 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
Oh, and it IS good! Highly recommend it! I love the soywhip by soyatoo too but thats more for people who enjoy the soya taste..some hate the stuff and others love it!
Reply With Quote
  #19 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 10:44 PM
Jean Junkie
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: The Big D, Texas
Posts: 2,165
Feedback: (1)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hipslikemonroe View Post
^^Hey love! I do not feel noticably better but really that is because this month has been really trying for me because i am facing a shit load of fears and im exhausted! I am also trying to get my weight back up, slowly.. I was 109 when we last spoke but i increased my intake and lost weight because of my metabolism.. 102 is so stupid and i hate that i let myself fall to that but regardless, i am trying to gain and have done a little by little.. I just have to make sure its slow for a variety of reasons (refeeding syndrome has landed me in hospital again and again) and gaining 3 pounds in a few days not only caused my BP to plummet but also was a shock and was abnormal for me so i was freaking out about why.. I was worried id have to restrict more and i knew that would be taking a step back and i was hoping i could find the reason for the gain to be something OTHER than my usual intake..

Crazy how some 23s are baggy on me, i can hardly wear Frankie B anymore and yet i still think i look chunky. This disorder is horrific and blind faith is the only thing i can latch onto to help me through it. xoxox

Edit: I was eating this cappichino foam that was all natural, fat free and 'o kcals..(which turns out it was not!)
I really admire both you and Jess for your courage and strength that has helped both of you through your recoveries.



kind of OT but this post kind of hit close to home for me, especially that one line. I am starting to realize now that i have serious body dysmorphic disorder. I am a size 25 or 26 and petite yet every time i look in the mirror i see someoen that needs to loose a ton of weight. It is just so odd to me since my mom keeps telling me that i am so slim (i am not thin nor do i suffer from an eating disorder...i am a weightlifter that just eats very clean). I kind of have this combination of both body dysmorphic disorder and muscle dysmorphia. And it doesn't stop with just my weight...it goes for my whole view of my looks in . When i look in the mirror i see huge large pores with gross blackheads and someone with really bad skin, yet my BF keeps on asking me why i use all these skin products...so i told him to deal with my bad acne and blackheads...his response was "what blackheads? You don't have any blackheads Lindsay"

How do you tackle these sorts of issues? I seriously wish that i knew what i looked like because when i look in the mirror i am sure i see something totally different.
__________________
Congratulations Prime Minster Tim Horton on getting a Double-Double!!!
Reply With Quote
  #20 (permalink)  
Old 10-09-2008, 11:03 PM
jamiej's Avatar
Denim God
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Near 2 Nordstrom Racks, N. CA
Posts: 7,576
Feedback: (137)
^Linds, my anorexia has turned into more of what you experience. I am thin, but I tend to focus on my flaws and those are what get me down. Since I had my son I hate my loose skin on my stomach and it bothers me EVERY damn day. I will eventually get a mini tummy tuck because it really gets my self-esteem a lot.
It's hard that us girls (mostly girls) experience this. I try to give myself 2 compliments for every negative thing I think
__________________
SELLING:BNWT TRUE RELIGION BECKY PURPLE SUPER T'S in Vera Cruz size 27 (tts) $169 US
Reply With Quote
  #21 (permalink)  
Old 10-10-2008, 09:42 AM
FriskyL's Avatar
Moderator
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 10,278
Feedback: (25)
I hope you have people in your life that are encouraging you and celebrating with you for gaining weight. This is not something you should be freaking out about you should be really happy. You started a thread about looking for positive things and i think this should be #1 on your list. Congratulations.
__________________
Click here to see my items for sale by **fancy**pants**. She can offer discounts if sold through AF, just send her a PM.
Reply With Quote
  #22 (permalink)  
Old 10-10-2008, 10:53 AM
Denim Addict
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Berkeley
Posts: 1,924
Feedback: (7)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Linds View Post
I am starting to realize now that i have serious body dysmorphic disorder. I am a size 25 or 26 and petite yet every time i look in the mirror i see someoen that needs to loose a ton of weight. It is just so odd to me since my mom keeps telling me that i am so slim (i am not thin nor do i suffer from an eating disorder...i am a weightlifter that just eats very clean). I kind of have this combination of both body dysmorphic disorder and muscle dysmorphia. .
Linds, I saw your pics and you are very thin.
__________________
Check out my items listed for sale by **fancy**pants** She can offer discounts to members if sold thru AF. Just PM her to inquire.
Reply With Quote
  #23 (permalink)  
Old 10-10-2008, 12:17 PM
Hipslikemonroe's Avatar
Denim Obsessed
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 815
Feedback: (1)
This breaks my heart as i want to help so much yet feel helpless behind a screen.

I have a book that i can basically quote now that i have read it over and over..its called 'the broken mirror' and is about BDD and is really helpful.. I want to send you both it but only can find one copy (i had 3, dont ask me how!) so i can send it to one of you and then whoever i send it to sends it to the other? Let me know and i will send it!

BDD is so undiagnosed and goes very nonoticed. Took my parents most my life to really accept that my 'phase' was crippling me.. Just know there are people out there who will understand and that you are not alone, at all.. It is actually incredibly common but most people with it hide away, as understanably..

As for the skin.. I have been yelled at by a derm for coming in to a clinic for acne.. She made me feel awful saying how there are so many people she see's with 'real acne' and that i should be greatful for my skin.. It was horrible and she obviously did not get it..I do not blame her, although i do think she was ott.. Point is im trying to recover from csp (compulsive skin picking) i feel as though im grotesque if i have a spot or scar or lump or bump and it used to (and very much still does to a large extent) keep me hidden away..Noone can see what i see but that does not mean it is not there (to me) and i am really, truly horrified by my skin on a bad day. I was in my apartment a few years ago and the fire alarm went off and i couldnt not find the strength to get out because i was serverely afraid of being seen (it was a bad skin week) and i ended up putting face mask lotion stuff on and grabbing a towl and wrapping it around my neck to pretend i was just 'pampering myself'.. I did this only after i peered off my balcony and irrationally yelled down at people gathering below 'do you think its bad enough to have to leave my apartment?' to which they gave me that evil stare and i realised how stupid i sounded..

That was one of the worst and scariest reality shocks i ever encountered.. I actually fell down the emergency stairs because my knees buckled because i was shaking so much

Point is, dont let people undermine you. If you think this goes beyond insecurity..it probably does. It is an illness.. It can also be truly awful for some people.. One girl i knew picked so much at her skin she got down to bone.. All to 'remove' the 'disgusting skin' ...It is horrific..

And as for muscle obsessing..they call this, 'bigorexia'..I know a bunch of guys (and girls) at the gym i go to who have this.. one just ruptured an artery.. All because he wanted to work out more and more because his body was not, 'manly' enough.. *he is huge!* It is very similar to eating disorder..i consider it one, really..

I have just totally made myself vulnerable by revealing a secret.. I did this to allow you some comfort that you are not alone and that there are others who experiance this 'insecurity'..'phase'... xoxox
Reply With Quote
  #24 (permalink)  
Old 10-10-2008, 10:05 PM
Jean Junkie
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: The Big D, Texas
Posts: 2,165
Feedback: (1)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rivkah View Post
Linds, I saw your pics and you are very thin.
See this is what scares me so much...When i see myself in the mirror or see pics of myself i can only look at the "bad" parts or places where i need to improve (ie: loose weight). I am getting concerned because it can have so many negative effects in my life and my relationships and i don't want it to. I just want to be able to look in the mirror and see someone that is truly beautiful and wonderful. It hasn't caused me to restrict my eating or anything (because i do have weightlifting/muscle goals i know that i need to eat and i do eat very clean for health purposes) but it does cause a lot of emotional and social issues.

I am feeling a lot better today though...and all i did was get my hair done. Sometimes just something as small as a spa day or a new haircut can make you feel like a million bucks.

It is so odd how we see ourselves when we look in the mirror compared to how other people see us...

Hips, i am definitely going to have to read that book. It is becoming clear to me that i have BDD and it needs to be addressed.
__________________
Congratulations Prime Minster Tim Horton on getting a Double-Double!!!
Reply With Quote
  #25 (permalink)  
Old 10-10-2008, 10:33 PM
Aussiegrrl's Avatar
Denim Lover
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 165
Feedback: (5)
Zee, Linds and anyone else who is interested, here's an article on BDD that was published recently in one of Melbourne's weekend newspspers...

Seeing is believing | Herald Sun

I can relate to a lot of this. I hate my legs to the point where I NEVER wear dresses, skirts or shorts even in the height of summer on a 40C day, yet everyone says they're envious of me with my height (just on 5'11") and long legs! I wear jeans in a size 24, sometimes a 23, so I'm not fat by any means, but the "war against the mirror", to quote the Pink song, is still a regular battle for a lot of us, including me.

Zee I'm glad that you've had a small gain, recover is a slow process, and it sounds like you're on the road back to health.

Linds, don't frett either. believe it or not, BDD is very common in the bodybuilding industry, so if you're weight training, you'll find there are a lot of people at your gym that would have the same insecurities that you do.

In relation to the flavoured whip stuff, I'm concerned about the amount of artificial sweeteners in those products you've mentioned. They play havoc with the digestive system and the jury is still out on their safety in the long term.
__________________
R&R WANTED!
KASANDRAS: Incessant Blue Black Stud Vato R (25), Vision Grey Bruise with Vato R's (25) , Vixen Blue wash (25) HALENS/KASANDRAS: Damzel wash (25)
Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 08:51 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
vBulletin Security provided by vBSecurity v2.2.2 (Pro) - vBulletin Mods & Addons Copyright © 2017 DragonByte Technologies Ltd.
 
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70