Does anyone else have unrelenting insomnia? I mean, it is 5:17 am right now and I am not a bit tired.
I am as awake and coherent as it gets. I could see patients right now and be competent. I will remain this way until probably about 10:00 am. Then I will get tired and dizzy until I sleep for a few hours, probably until 1 pm. Then I will get up and be fine. (Thankfully, it is Sunday). This probably happens to me twice a week, especially lately.
I think it is caused by my constant anxiety. In the last few months I have:
(1)Quit a job at a place where I was being treated horribly.
(2)Found another job, and subsequently had to quit because they were doing illegal and unethical things. This was awful, especially when the owner offered me $500 more a week just to pretend I didn't know what was happening.
(3)Been taking fill in work over and over in random places which is very stressful. You never know what the staff will be like or how the equipment/patients will be.
(4)Been having a hard time dealing with my job requirements. Sometimes I can't stand the responsibility. I feel like I am an actress and always have to be on--friendly, personable, even if I don't feel like it.
(4)Been waiting for a good job to begin in late October that may or may not materialize. If it doesn't, I will eventually run out of money completely.
(5)Been chased by a crazy lady off her meds who insisted on using her Honda Accord as a weapon while I was driving my car to the point that the police had to come and put her to the ground. She chased me for four miles and tried to get me to crash into other vehicles and pedestrians. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time.
When the police finally pried my white knuckles loose from the wheel they had to carry me to the police car. Apparently I was rocking back and forth in the back of the squad car but I don't remember that. Then, I had to listen to her scream psychotic things from the jail while they took my statement. She apparently was delusional and thought I was a 6 foot tall Yugoslavian stripper with tattoos that stole her boyfriend while driving a purple car, magically switching the license plates at will. Now I swear I have posttraumatic stress while driving. I have had two panic attacks where I've had to pull off the road since.
(6)Gotten off the highway and been involved in a road rage incident that I'm pretty sure had nothing to do with me. There was horrible traffic on the expressway for several hours and I was finally able to get off. Some jerk tried to make me crash into his car on purpose because I was going too slow on the offramp. Then, he got out of his car and threatened to beat me up. Yeah well my 5500 lb volvo wagon doesn't go too fast from a dead stop on upward slopes. Not to mention that if he had actually succeeded in getting me to crash into his beat up Pontiac I would probably have flattened the POS.
(7)Experienced horrible flooding from the river behind my house to the point that I was scared to leave the apartment for 2 days and had to take a raft(!) to my car in the parking lot across the street when I finally did leave. I am deathly afraid of drowning as I almost did when I was 8.
(8)Been living with the fear that one day my loving boyfriend will wake up and realize he deserves better. I don't want to burden him with anything so I haven't told him any of this.
(9)Become thoroughly sick of the attitude in the area where I live. People are behaving so angrily towards each other at the slightest provocation that I don't even like to leave the house. Apparently Chicago was just named the most stressful city in the US. I believe it. Yesterday I witnessed a lady take a swing at the post office person with a package of some kind.
Wow...I just read all of my post...I guess I know why I can't sleep
Anyone know of any good relaxation techniques? Or maybe I should just see a psychologist.