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Old 09-13-2010, 07:58 PM
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Changing your last name when getting remarried.

Okay. I'm divorced and I have a 4 year old. I kept my ex-husband's last name because I wanted to have the same last name as my son. I'm getting married next year and I'm not sure what to do with my last name. My SO says he is perfectly fine with me keeping my last name as it is. To me it feels odd to keep my ex-husband's name if I'm married to someone else, but at the same time I won't share the same last name as my son anymore.

Some have suggested using my last name now as my middle name and adding my married name to it.

Or, should I just drop my ex's name and take my new husband's name?

I've also thought to hell with everyone and going back to my maiden name which is also my son's middle name. My SO said that this would be silly, IF I was going to change my name then I should change it to his.

And finally the easiest thing to do...just keep my name as it is.

What did you do or would you do?
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Old 09-13-2010, 08:10 PM
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i have been in your exact situation.
my first marriage ended in divorce..and we have a son.
i kept my first husbands name until i was remarried..then i changed it to my new husbands last name.
a lot of kids have different last names than their moms nowadays. it's not a big deal IMO.
honestly.. i think it would be uncool to keep your ex-husbands name after remarrying.
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Old 09-13-2010, 08:15 PM
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I would probably say change it for the same uncoolness reason nola gave.

It is indeed super common for kids and parents to have different names nowadays, and there are so many reasons why that might be the case that i wouldn't worry about any kind of stigma. I plan to keep my last name, which bothers my fiance to no end, and he uses the same argument, well why would you want a different last name than your kids. It's fine. Maybe i'd consider hyphenating at that point for me, but since you have already ditched your maiden name, I'd say just go on to his name.
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Old 09-13-2010, 08:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nnnola View Post
i have been in your exact situation.
my first marriage ended in divorce..and we have a son.
i kept my first husbands name until i was remarried..then i changed it to my new husbands last name.
a lot of kids have different last names than their moms nowadays. it's not a big deal IMO.
honestly.. i think it would be uncool to keep your ex-husbands name after remarrying.
Agree 100%
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Old 09-13-2010, 08:57 PM
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My parents divorced and when my mom remarried she took my step-dads last name. I wasn't exactly a little kid when that happened but having a different last name than my mom was a non issue.

And if anybody wants to be nosy and ask whats with the different last names tell them to bugger off.
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:03 PM
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You have a lot of options, so I'm not going to belabor this point:

Quote:
Originally Posted by justchar View Post
I've also thought to hell with everyone and going back to my maiden name which is also my son's middle name. My SO said that this would be silly, IF I was going to change my name then I should change it to his.
What is silly is that he is suggesting that his name is higher on the pecking order than your maiden name. I know plenty of women with kids (well really, I knew their kids, and the women by extension) who went back to their maiden name when they re-married.

It's up to you obviously, and if you're thinking traditionally and have no problem taking his name, then by all means go ahead. Otherwise, if your maiden name has meaning for you, then like you said - to hell with everyone. You're your own person and deserve whatever name you'd like yourself to have.
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:03 PM
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i would definitely get rid of the ex's last name and take the new one. the ex is not a part of you anymore, even though he'll always be a part of your son. take the new one!
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:08 PM
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I would either drop the ex's last name and take the new one, or drop the ex's last name and take back your maiden last name. Either way... drop the ex's last name! Your son is always your son regardless of the last name
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:13 PM
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I would add the new name to the existing name (i.e. keep the same name as your son, and add your new married name).

I would choose this option it because it is important ME, personally, to have the same name as my son.
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:13 PM
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I agree with nola and Pam.

Quote:
Originally Posted by nnnola View Post
i have been in your exact situation.
my first marriage ended in divorce..and we have a son.
i kept my first husbands name until i was remarried..then i changed it to my new husbands last name.
a lot of kids have different last names than their moms nowadays. it's not a big deal IMO.
honestly.. i think it would be uncool to keep your ex-husbands name after remarrying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by idalis View Post
I would probably say change it for the same uncoolness reason nola gave.

It is indeed super common for kids and parents to have different names nowadays, and there are so many reasons why that might be the case that i wouldn't worry about any kind of stigma. I plan to keep my last name, which bothers my fiance to no end, and he uses the same argument, well why would you want a different last name than your kids. It's fine. Maybe i'd consider hyphenating at that point for me, but since you have already ditched your maiden name, I'd say just go on to his name.
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:23 PM
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i would keep your x-husbands last name as part of your new hyphenated last name or as your new middle name

when i divorced i took my maiden name back and my daughter hyphenated hers with both of our last names.. which at the time seemed like a good idea to me but she got some flack from teachers of all people about having too many last names we dropped her biological fathers name and just went with my maiden name to make it simpler because he wasn't in the picture much... which of course ticked her bio father off ... then i got remarried and did not take my new husbands last name so my daughters and mine would stay the same... which ticked off my new husband then my new husband adopted my daughter and we considered changing our names so they would all be the same ... but we didn't then our daughter got married and changed her name

sooooo with that said don't do what i did

think about the future... and keep it as simple as possible....take your new husbands last name.... and ... with a son it will be different because his name will always stay the same... and your grandchildren will have his name... so i would strongly consider hyphenating your name or keeping your X's name as your middle name if i had to do it again i would have taken my new husbands name and had my daughter keep her bio fathers last name until my new husband adopted her and then i would have changed her name to his ... it all got very confusing and continues to be confusing since my name is still not the same as my husbands
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:49 PM
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which last name sounds better?
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Old 09-13-2010, 09:59 PM
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My mom remarried when I was very young so we always had different last names. It was never an issue for me.
I'd say take your new husbands name.
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MiztaMike View Post
which last name sounds better?
lol.

though I must be honest, I would not be so eager to have the initials PP that i would if i changed my name, and the name would not sound good either
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:05 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MiztaMike View Post
which last name sounds better?
lol that IS something to consider... i always told myself that if a future husband has a dumb last name that sounds stupid with my name, i would just keep my maiden name
thankfully the man i chose has an awesome last name and i love the sound of it with mine... i actually can't wait to change my name to his
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:12 PM
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Are there any legal fees with all this name changing? I mean I know that there is a fee for the drivers license/ID, but don't you actually have to file some sort of paperwork somewhere for a legal name change? It sounds like a real pain in the ass.

In NC I was not given a choice without having to jump through hoops. When I went to renew my DL they already had my new name and I was given no choice as to what name was on it. Must have been tax records or something.

I would just take the new name.
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:19 PM
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I was in your situation and when I remarried, I took my new husband's name and my boys kept my ex's name. Since my ex lost his parental rights, my husband is free to adopt the boys which he plans on doing once HE changes his name (he wants nothing to do with his bio dad and is going to 100% change his name, taking his step dad's name. I'm excited and the boys are too.
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:20 PM
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For now, Im keeping the ex's name.. because my maiden name sucks. (Love my family, hate the name.. too generic) but if I get remarried, I will take my new husbands name (as long as it sounds good) I dont think it'll bother my son too much.. and honestly, if I could get rid of my ex's name now without a huge hassle.. I would, but thats because hes an ass and I dont want to be associated with it.
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maureenmarie View Post
i would keep your x-husbands last name as part of your new hyphenated last name or as your new middle name

when i divorced i took my maiden name back and my daughter hyphenated hers with both of our last names.. which at the time seemed like a good idea to me but she got some flack from teachers of all people about having too many last names we dropped her biological fathers name and just went with my maiden name to make it simpler because he wasn't in the picture much... which of course ticked her bio father off ... then i got remarried and did not take my new husbands last name so my daughters and mine would stay the same... which ticked off my new husband then my new husband adopted my daughter and we considered changing our names so they would all be the same ... but we didn't then our daughter got married and changed her name
maureen you kill me girl .. also i think i agree with your advice

or, drop the last names altogether and be 'just char'
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:23 PM
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Well the name I go by, my exe's last name and new husband's name sounds funny to me. They are all 4 letter words Very Blah, Blah, Blah! I like my future husband's last name, it is unique so that is not an issue. Personally, I like how my maiden name sounds and I never had to spell it for anyone, but I don't think I'll go with that option since I've already given it up.

My current name if said fast sounds like sheriff so I'm definitely not holding onto that one because it sounds better. The only reason I would keep my exe's name is because my son said he wanted me to have the same last name as him

But like many have pointed out, my ex and I got divorced for a reason and I DID look into changing it back to my maiden name a year ago, but it was such a hassle I didn't.

I know I do not want to hyphenate it.

I forgot to mention that my son's middle name is my maiden name If I were to change my middle name to my maiden we would be connected in that way. Then I would be Char, maiden name, future husband's name...which is how I go on FB but with ex-husband's name.

Am I making this more difficult than necessary?
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Last edited by justchar; 09-13-2010 at 10:30 PM.
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:27 PM
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:32 PM
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My mom and I do not share a last name, and she was never divorced. She just never took my dad's last name, and I know many (Asian) families that are in the same boat as me. So it's nothing weird to have different last names as your kids!

What is weird though, is that my mom wants me to have 2 kids...and have one of their last names be my last name, and the other's last name be my husbands last name. ....?!?!?
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by justchar View Post
Well the name I go by, my exe's last name and new husband's name sounds funny to me. They are all 4 letter words Very Blah, Blah, Blah! I like my future husband's last name, it is unique so that is not an issue. Personally, I like how my maiden name sounds and I never had to spell it for anyone, but I don't think I'll go with that option since I've already given it up.

My current name if said fast sounds like sheriff so I'm definitely not holding onto that one because it sounds better. The only reason I would keep my exe's name is because my son said he wanted me to have the same last name as him

But like many have pointed out, my ex and I got divorced for a reason and I DID look into changing it back to my maiden name a year ago, but it was such a hassle I didn't.

I know I do not want to hyphenate it.

I forgot to mention that my son's middle name is my maiden name If I were to change my middle name to my maiden we would be connected in that way. Then I would be Char, maiden name, future husband's name...which is how I go on FB but with ex-husband's name.

Am I making this more difficult than necessary?
I can't tell you how crazy it drives me to have to spell my last name all the time. My last name is Spanish and no one can say it or spell it around here. When I'm on the phone I usually have to say it and spell it two or three times.
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:45 PM
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I can't tell you how crazy it drives me to have to spell my last name all the time. My last name is Spanish and no one can say it or spell it around here. When I'm on the phone I usually have to say it and spell it two or three times.
It is so annoying and if I change to my future husband's name I'll still have to spell it
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Old 09-13-2010, 11:15 PM
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I can't tell you how crazy it drives me to have to spell my last name all the time. My last name is Spanish and no one can say it or spell it around here. When I'm on the phone I usually have to say it and spell it two or three times.
I always have to spell mine too but it doesn't bother me at all, but I'm lucky that it's really short.

My friend's mom married her dad, and changed her name, so she became Mr. B. They divorced, and her father and his new wife both hyphenated their names to Mr. and Mrs. B-C. My friend's mom kept the name, and is now the only one with the original Mrs. B name! I find that really funny.
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